i need help :(

[CeT-To]

hello! Well to be specific i have probelm with lust....ive given up porn and ive kept that vow for ummm 5 months or 4 and a half but lately i think its become futile...i mean lately ive been trying to stop masturbating which ive kept for a week and a bit because i thought "well whats the point of giving up porn if you are still going to think sexual immoral thoughts" and also for example on buses i might see this very hot girl and sometimes i think of lustful thoughts, and even when i dont but i look at her i can feel the lustful feeling in my heart so what ive been doing these days is pretty much look completely the other way or at some occasions i close my eyes and i repeat to myself in my head "i rebuke you sin" again and again until that feeling is gone ..i guess it works pretty well i have to admit! But i hate it sometimes when the thought slips through!! ive been trying very hard to beat this sin that has become a big part of my life unfortunately...but this leads to another problem ..which is my gf and I having sex ..and this is a pretty weekly thing maybe once a week (used to be more) and well supposedly i cant say to her " i dont want to have sex anymore" because it would be unfair for her since its she likes it a lot and it doesnt conflict with her beliefs (on the border of athiesm)... so really i dont know what to do anymore.. . The reason i have this problem in the first place is because i was doing all this stuff A LOT which then became a habit (porn, sex with gf and masturbation) before i regained my faith; since i was mostly brought up with christianity and didnt really understand it, until a couple of months ago that is.

So can some one please help me with my problem or maybe give me tips from past experiences with this sin? I really just want to follow the LORD and be a good christian (1 Peter 1:16) I've been asking the Holy Spirit to help me and work in me to make me a better christian and i think its going well this past week and a bit, but there is still the problem with my gf because im thinking "how can the Holy Spirit work in me if i profane my body with sexual immorality?" (1 Cor. 6:19-20).

So please anybody help? God bless you all!

CeT-To

[jlay]

You are further along than many, as you at least recognize the problem.
Most don't see their acts of depravity as any real problem.
It really is a battle, and I don't know that there is any magic pill for this problem, other than leaning on the provision of Christ. The bible says we will be tempted. But we will not be tempted beyond what we can bear. As best I can tell, God has said that the temptation WILL come, and it is really in our court as far as our response. Resist or succumb.

My advice would be to end the relationship immediately. Get help and support if you can. Cut out or limit your access to computer and TV. Even little things on TV can seduce you into lustful thoughts.

[CeT-To]

ah yes i know there is no magic pill and im glad that i can overcome any temptation if i want to...but i really love this girl and i dont want to end the relationship.. is there maybe anyway she can understand how i dont want to have sex anymore until marrige (im 17 by the way) because i know if i ask her she wont like it :S ive been praying for her so that she can recognise christ but no luck so far, although im not going to give up. Is there anything i can say to her that will make her agree or atleast understand what i want to do and why? Im really not considering breaking up with her because there must be other ways...i also know this because if i do break up with her for this reason she will hate christians and im scared that she will never come to the LORD.

[cslewislover]

Have you talked with her at all about what you want to do? Not break up with her, yet stop having sex? If she loves you, I'd think that she'd at least want to try and do what you wish.

[CeT-To]

Have you talked with her at all about what you want to do? Not break up with her, yet stop having sex? If she loves you, I'd think that she'd at least want to try and do what you wish.

I have but unfortunately if i can recall she said " But thats not fair on my side, why do i also have to give up the things i like when you dont for me?" ahhh so yeah

[cslewislover]

Have you talked with her at all about what you want to do? Not break up with her, yet stop having sex? If she loves you, I'd think that she'd at least want to try and do what you wish.

I have but unfortunately if i can recall she said " But thats not fair on my side, why do i also have to give up the things i like when you dont for me?" ahhh so yeah

She's claiming you don't give up things for her? Anyway, I still think that if she loves you, she'll try if she knows you're serious. If she doesn't want to at least try - after getting over the shock of your request - then I'd really wonder about where her heart is. You both are so young, I would think she'd understand some . . . You never know, even if she ended up breaking it off with you, she might want you back later. It could be a test and a maturing situation. I don't know . . .

[CeT-To]

Have you talked with her at all about what you want to do? Not break up with her, yet stop having sex? If she loves you, I'd think that she'd at least want to try and do what you wish.

I have but unfortunately if i can recall she said " But thats not fair on my side, why do i also have to give up the things i like when you dont for me?" ahhh so yeah

She's claiming you don't give up things for her? Anyway, I still think that if she loves you, she'll try if she knows you're serious. If she doesn't want to at least try - after getting over the shock of your request - then I'd really wonder about where her heart is. You both are so young, I would think she'd understand some . . . You never know, even if she ended up breaking it off with you, she might want you back later. It could be a test and a maturing situation. I don't know . . .

I'll give it another shot and i will tell you how it turns out

[zoegirl]

I would say you have a b igger problem with the factr that she is not a CHristian. You will be unequally yoked. LOok at this disparity is your view on premarital sex as a preview of issues later on in the relationship.

[cslewislover]

Yes. But I was coming from the aspect that they're already bonded in God's eyes. I was going to suggest they get married until I saw that he was only 17. That's the problem with having relationships when you're so young (let alone premarital sex). I had someone complain to me at least once that Christians are so arrogant because they think non-Christians aren't good enough to marry - I did explain the unequally yoked thing and the marital conflicts it could cause. But it is wrong to have sex with a girl and then leave her because you decide later she's just not right in some way - because YOU changed. It happens every day, of course. But as a Christian, I view it as they already have became one, as Paul says. It's too late. Paul advised the believing spouse to stay with the unbelieving one, in hopes that the other would become saved. To me, the better thing would to make it official by marrying. However, I'm not so legalistic about it that I view it as a "must." There are circumstances that would make it unwise or unlivable, and he may be in one; however, I don't know enough about it.

[zoegirl]

But she needs to know as well that he is committed to his faith, and that could very well be a deal breaker for her....Either way, there needs to be some serious discussion here...

[ChrisB]

hello! Well to be specific i have probelm with lust....ive given up porn and ive kept that vow for ummm 5 months or 4 and a half but lately i think its become futile...i mean lately ive been trying to stop masturbating which ive kept for a week and a bit because i thought "well whats the point of giving up porn if you are still going to think sexual immoral thoughts" and also for example on buses i might see this very hot girl and sometimes i think of lustful thoughts, and even when i dont but i look at her i can feel the lustful feeling in my heart so what ive been doing these days is pretty much look completely the other way or at some occasions i close my eyes and i repeat to myself in my head "i rebuke you sin" again and again until that feeling is gone ..i guess it works pretty well i have to admit! But i hate it sometimes when the thought slips through!! ive been trying very hard to beat this sin that has become a big part of my life unfortunately...but this leads to another problem ..which is my gf and I having sex ..and this is a pretty weekly thing maybe once a week (used to be more) and well supposedly i cant say to her " i dont want to have sex anymore" because it would be unfair for her since its she likes it a lot and it doesnt conflict with her beliefs (on the border of athiesm)... so really i dont know what to do anymore.. . The reason i have this problem in the first place is because i was doing all this stuff A LOT which then became a habit (porn, sex with gf and masturbation) before i regained my faith; since i was mostly brought up with christianity and didnt really understand it, until a couple of months ago that is.

So can some one please help me with my problem or maybe give me tips from past experiences with this sin? I really just want to follow the LORD and be a good christian (1 Peter 1:16) I've been asking the Holy Spirit to help me and work in me to make me a better christian and i think its going well this past week and a bit, but there is still the problem with my gf because im thinking "how can the Holy Spirit work in me if i profane my body with sexual immorality?" (1 Cor. 6:19-20).

So please anybody help? God bless you all!

CeT-To

Hi CeT-To.

I know exactly what you're going through in with lustful thoughts and masturbation... I too once had these same problems, and even after learning about Jesus I still struggled with them for like two years. By the grace of God, I overcame them through immersing myself in His Word for hours on end... meditating specifically on what Jesus spoke of in Matthew 5:28 as the adultery of the heart. This really got to me and I started to do those same things you did... looking away and rebuking sin. Sometimes it worked, other times it did not (but I attribute that to me simply not listening, since my lust at the time in overdrive). Time and time again, I prayed to the Lord that this would stop... because I hated myself for it and was sick of it. All that prayer eventually worked out for my good, and my addictions were gone. Like all people I am still at times tempted... but then I remember Jesus saying that if we love Him, we will keep His commandments (John 14:15), and that any women I may be tempted by are people whom He died for.

What you are doing now, I advise you to keep doing. Let your requests be made known to God, and give Him thanks for all that He has blessed you with: a roof over your head, the clothes on your back, and every breath you take. He will bless you with His peace (Philippians 4:6-7). Pray without ceasing (1Thes. 5:17), for if we ask anything in His name, it will be done (John 14:14)

As for your girl friend, I have no personal experience with this... but as cslewislover said, it would be better to marry (once you are of age of course). This is a "should", certainly not a "must". You would be unequally yoked, yes. However, as Paul tells us, the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband (1 Cor. 7:14), so likewise your girlfriend would be sanctified in the eyes of the Lord. On this especially, ask God before making a decision. As Jesus prayed, "not as I will, but as You will.", so you should also pray.

I hope this helps. I too will be praying for you.

[CeT-To]

Well guys i came to a conclusion with my girlfriend and that is that any act is pure if it is done through love...any act is justified if it is done through love, so i will keep my sexual relation with her because i know that my love is physically manifested in the act of sex. But other than that i will continue to do the things that i do to and look away everytime i am tempted and say to my self "i rebuke you sin" again and again.

Although i have another question, this is about masturbation, is it really wrong if you just do it imagining only your partner that you love and not anybody else? i mean thats not being unfaithful and not lusting for anybody else. Plus it gives you less percentage of prostate cancer.

Any thoughts on what i have said so far?

God bless you all

[zoegirl]

Then make it official and marry her.

[CeT-To]

i cant im seventeen i told you, can explain why you said that when i already stated im 17?

[zoegirl]

I know you love her and that is wonderful. But sex is meant for marriage. Both for emotional, spiritual, and even for financial reasons. There is not a contraception in the world that is foolproof. Are you ready to provide for a family?

I know you love her, but if she is not a committed Christian you are in for heartache. I have seen the disappointment even in marriages where the man, even if he is a Christian, is not interested in growing spiritually. You will want to pray, she won't. You will want to go to church, she won't. You will love your God, she won't. At best she will be apathetic towards your joy, at worst you will eventually start hiding your joy.

At best she will be neutral and you will feel bereft in your relationship, at worst she will scorn your beliefs. Is this the proper foundation for a relationship?

I think it is the wrong thing for you to continue having sex. It is wonderful that you love each other. But if you are not ready or able to provide marraige for her, then you should both back off until you can.