Jokes about Religion and Atheism

Got some good and clean jokes to share? Everyone likes a laugh.
User avatar
RickD
Make me a Sammich Member
Posts: 22063
Joined: Thu Jan 14, 2010 7:59 am
Christian: Yes
Sex: Male
Creation Position: Day-Age
Location: Kitchen

Re: Jokes about Religion and Atheism

Post by RickD »

He's incognito.
John 5:24
24 “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed out of death into life.


“A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves.”
-Edward R Murrow




St. Richard the Sarcastic--The Patron Saint of Irony
User avatar
Nessa
Ultimate Member
Posts: 3590
Joined: Sun Jul 05, 2015 7:10 pm
Christian: Yes
Creation Position: Undecided

Re: Jokes about Religion and Atheism

Post by Nessa »

RickD wrote:He's incognito.
He's sorta like God.... He's here but like agnostics, no one would know...
User avatar
RickD
Make me a Sammich Member
Posts: 22063
Joined: Thu Jan 14, 2010 7:59 am
Christian: Yes
Sex: Male
Creation Position: Day-Age
Location: Kitchen

Re: Jokes about Religion and Atheism

Post by RickD »

Nope. I know. All you others are just too preoccupied with yourselves to figure it out. :mrgreen:
John 5:24
24 “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed out of death into life.


“A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves.”
-Edward R Murrow




St. Richard the Sarcastic--The Patron Saint of Irony
User avatar
Nessa
Ultimate Member
Posts: 3590
Joined: Sun Jul 05, 2015 7:10 pm
Christian: Yes
Creation Position: Undecided

Re: Jokes about Religion and Atheism

Post by Nessa »

RickD wrote:...All you others are just too preoccupied with yourselves to figure it out. :mrgreen:
I guess there must be other lefties out there too... :shock:

You're making me nervous, tricky ricky... :econfused:

Just how much do you mods know about us common people? y:-?
User avatar
Philip
Site Owner
Posts: 9405
Joined: Mon Dec 28, 2009 7:45 pm
Christian: Yes
Sex: Male
Creation Position: Day-Age
Location: Betwixt the Sea and the Mountains

Re: Jokes about Religion and Atheism

Post by Philip »

Hey, I thought this thread was about jokes?

Like: Two Baptists walk into a bar... um, wait a minute, like THAT's gonna happen! :pound:

It is rumored that Mr. Welch conspired with key Baptists in a grape juice scheme that has been, by any measure, an amazing success!
User avatar
jenna
Make me a Sammich Member
Posts: 1458
Joined: Sat Nov 17, 2007 11:36 am
Christian: Yes
Sex: Female
Creation Position: Gap Theory

Re: Jokes about Religion and Atheism

Post by jenna »

ok, not really a joke. but good anyway.

God and a scientist were debating. the scientist claimed that God was not needed, since man could now create life without Him. ok, says God, prove it. the scientist then started by grabbing dirt and other things and putting them in a bowl. "wait," says God. "what are you doing? "I am creating life," says the scientist. "you have to make the dirt first," said God.
some things are better left unsaid, which i generally realize after i have said them
User avatar
bbyrd009
BANNED
Posts: 546
Joined: Wed Nov 23, 2016 3:48 pm
Christian: Yes
Sex: Male
Creation Position: Undecided
Location: Ft Myers, FL

Re: Jokes about Religion and Atheism

Post by bbyrd009 »

:lol:

ok, long joke, i'll give you the bones and you can flesh it out;

A Jew has lived a really exemplary life, sought God as best he knew how, and, in his old age, gets told in a vision that because of this, he will be allowed to bring one suitcase full of whatever he likes to the afterlife. Well, he marinates on this for several weeks, thinking "this" and then "that," and finally settles on gold. So he kicks it, and he's walking up to St Peter, who calls him by name, and says to him "hey! we almost never get anyone who is allowed to bring a suitcase; i'm curious--what did you bring?" So the guy opens up the suitcase and shows him.

"You brought pavement?" says St Peter...
"Creation is continuous, and never stops."
IceMobster
Senior Member
Posts: 621
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 1:17 pm
Christian: No
Sex: Male
Location: Europe

Re: Jokes about Religion and Atheism

Post by IceMobster »

Why can't you checkmate a Christian?

Because they are all pawns and their king doesn't exist.

:whee:
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGOXMf6yDCU

Fecisti nos ad te, Domine, et inquietum est cor nostrum donec requiescat in te!
User avatar
Kurieuo
Honored Member
Posts: 10038
Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2004 6:25 am
Christian: Yes
Sex: Male
Creation Position: Progressive Creationist
Location: Qld, Australia

Re: Jokes about Religion and Atheism

Post by Kurieuo »

IceMobster wrote:Why can't you checkmate a Christian?

Because they are all pawns and their king doesn't exist.

:whee:
Why can you always checkmate Atheists?

Because they all consider themselves kings.
"Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved." (Romans 10:13)
User avatar
Kurieuo
Honored Member
Posts: 10038
Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2004 6:25 am
Christian: Yes
Sex: Male
Creation Position: Progressive Creationist
Location: Qld, Australia

Re: Jokes about Religion and Atheism

Post by Kurieuo »

RickD wrote:He's incognito.
You think? He doesn't do it very well, but we'll play along. ;)
"Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved." (Romans 10:13)
User avatar
RickD
Make me a Sammich Member
Posts: 22063
Joined: Thu Jan 14, 2010 7:59 am
Christian: Yes
Sex: Male
Creation Position: Day-Age
Location: Kitchen

Re: Jokes about Religion and Atheism

Post by RickD »

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So each one goes into the woods, finds 
a bear, and attempts to convert it. Later, they all get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the 
circumcision.”
John 5:24
24 “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed out of death into life.


“A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves.”
-Edward R Murrow




St. Richard the Sarcastic--The Patron Saint of Irony
Post Reply