Fake Account- Cheating Boyfriend

[Tina]

Ok, I can't take it anymore. I'm even losing a lot of sleep over it. I'm am seriously suspicious that my fiancé is cheating on me. I really want to make a fake Facebook account to test if he's faithful, but I don't know if that's wrong or against GOD. I know GOD has tested people before to test their faithfullness. Am I allowed to do the same thing? But if I do it, it would be lying wouldnt it? I don't know what to do and it's eating me up inside =,< I really want to make the account and find out for sure so I can put my fears to rest. =,< But I don't want to go against GOD =,<

[B. W.]

Ok, I can't take it anymore. I'm even losing a lot of sleep over it. I'm am seriously suspicious that my fiancé is cheating on me. I really want to make a fake Facebook account to test if he's faithful, but I don't know if that's wrong or against GOD. I know GOD has tested people before to test their faithfullness. Am I allowed to do the same thing? But if I do it, it would be lying wouldnt it? I don't know what to do and it's eating me up inside =,< I really want to make the account and find out for sure so I can put my fears to rest. =,< But I don't want to go against GOD =,<

Wow Tina - I need to ask - what makes you feel that you cannot trust him?
-
-
-

[jlay]

If you have this kind of suspicion now, you shouldn't be getting married.

Not sure how a fake FB account will help.

[Tina]

Ok, I can't take it anymore. I'm even losing a lot of sleep over it. I'm am seriously suspicious that my fiancé is cheating on me. I really want to make a fake Facebook account to test if he's faithful, but I don't know if that's wrong or against GOD. I know GOD has tested people before to test their faithfullness. Am I allowed to do the same thing? But if I do it, it would be lying wouldnt it? I don't know what to do and it's eating me up inside =,< I really want to make the account and find out for sure so I can put my fears to rest. =,< But I don't want to go against GOD =,<

Wow Tina - I need to ask - what makes you feel that you cannot trust him?
-
-
-

He has lied to me about things before. He left his Facebook account open one day and I saw some of the messages. He was very intent on getting cell phone numbers from girls and once he found out I saw them he changed the password to his computer account. It often seemed liked he cared more about how they were feeling or doing than me. He never asks me. He is often with his friends way more than me ( and we live in the same house ) I practically have to throw a tantrum or get sad about it before he makes time for me. Lately I've become more tense cuz his behavior has changed. He became suddenly more affectionate ( like messaging me that I'm beautiful or what-not and the random change has got me suspicious. While still not spending much time with me.) We don't have sex anymore cuz I won't do it without a condom and he says we have none. But I found a condom in his wallet. He acts differently when his friends are around and I'm wondering if they know something that I don't. Am I just being paranoid? =,< I just wanna find out if he is faithful or not before I die from stressing out about it. ( it also seems like I have to initiate all of the loving, like kissing or hugging and such. =,< I just wanna know the truth.

[1over137]

I would not create fake account. It would not be really honest.

[Reactionary]

I just wanna find out if he is faithful or not before I die from stressing out about it. ( it also seems like I have to initiate all of the loving, like kissing or hugging and such. =,< I just wanna know the truth.

It's quite obvious that he's no longer interested in you. Unfortunately, it happens often at your age - maybe he got fed up because he thinks he'll find something new with another girl. Or he's just being horny. Either way, given that all you wrote is true (not a misunderstanding), he's not marriage material. A decent, honest man would admit that he lost interest and he'd break up. But your fiancé apparently has no respect for you and he's trying to make a fool of you behind your back. You deserve better.

I think it would be best if you broke up with him as soon as possible. Cut all ties and go on. Unfortunately, things don't often turn out the way we want or hope. It will hurt, but strength is a virtue. I believe in you.

Now you understand why your friends were warning you 4 months ago in this thread you wrote: http://discussions.godandscience.org/vi ... 14&t=37196

Good luck.

[RickD]

If you have this kind of suspicion now, you shouldn't be getting married.

Not sure how a fake FB account will help.

I second this. You certainly have a lot to work through, before even thinking of getting married. Either you have cheating issues, or extreme trust issues. Either way, these issues should be resolved before marriage.

[1over137]

I would talk to him. The sooner the better. Tell him what you know (the condom in his wallet), tell him what's on your heart. Be strong.

P.S: you already saw the FB messages, so why to create fake account?

[jlay]

Tina,

I certainly don't want to lecture you, and this is really none of my business, but since you laid it before the forum, here goes.

All relationships struggle. Honesty and communication is the failing of many marriages. It seems your relationship lacks both and you haven't even tied the knot. Good news is you are finding out now. Then there is the issue with your sexual activity. Since you were sexually active, I am not surprised if both you and this boy have a low view of sexual purity. That being the case, I would not be surprised a boy with such a view would look elsewhere if he felt you 'cut him off' for lack of a better word. It sounds as if this guy has a low view of marriage, and a low view of you.

Bottom line, you know the right decision. You need to make it. And the decision is NOT snooping around. You need to repent, (get your mind right) end this relationship, and then I would recommend some solid Christian counseling.

I read the other thread, and to put it bluntly, yes you are the same. It is obvious you lack the maturity to be married or seek out the right qualities in a spouse. You have chosen to be sexually active and this is going to have harsh consequences down the road.

[Ivellious]

jlay, I think your post is totally true and valid, but I personally think we should leave the "sexually active" part aside for now. I certainly don't want to promote promiscuity or meaningless sex or anything, but for now I would suggest Tina deals with the relationship, her emotions, and her own mental and spiritual health. You are right, it may have been a mistake to have sex with her fiance but, as they say, "what's done is done" and there is no reason that mistake will ruin her life or anything, unless she chooses to let that mistake do so.

As far as my two cents here....I know that I read the other thread that Reactionary posted when it was originally posted and as it has been repeatedly stated, it sounds like you are not ready for marriage. It was not that long ago that I was in high school and thought that relationships lasted forever and that I was mature enough to handle marriage and everything, but I think you'll find that everyone still has a LOT of growing up to do even after high school and college.

I wouldn't go so far as to say you immediately need to break up with this guy and move on, but clearly there needs to be some conversation and some serious working on both your parts. You need to open up an honest line of communication with him, let him know your concerns and not sneak behind his back. Even beyond whether that has anything to do with God, it would almost certainly be the wrong way to go about it. In essence, you would be trying to figure out his dishonesty by being dishonest to him. Two wrongs do not make a right.

[Tina]

Tina,

I certainly don't want to lecture you, and this is really none of my business, but since you laid it before the forum, here goes.

All relationships struggle. Honesty and communication is the failing of many marriages. It seems your relationship lacks both and you haven't even tied the knot. Good news is you are finding out now. Then there is the issue with your sexual activity. Since you were sexually active, I am not surprised if both you and this boy have a low view of sexual purity. That being the case, I would not be surprised a boy with such a view would look elsewhere if he felt you 'cut him off' for lack of a better word. It sounds as if this guy has a low view of marriage, and a low view of you.

Bottom line, you know the right decision. You need to make it. And the decision is NOT snooping around. You need to repent, (get your mind right) end this relationship, and then I would recommend some solid Christian counseling.

I read the other thread, and to put it bluntly, yes you are the same. It is obvious you lack the maturity to be married or seek out the right qualities in a spouse. You have chosen to be sexually active and this is going to have harsh consequences down the road.

How would you know my views on sexual purity? You wanna know what happened? I wanted to wait till marriage. We were messing around one night and he tried to insert. I said no three times and then we just kinda layed there. Then he went ahead and did it anyways. Right afterwards I locked myself in the bathroom and cried and begged GOD for forgiveness. When I bring up what happened he gets upset cuz he feels bad. I forgave him. That's how it happened so don't preach to me about sexual purity when you have no idea what happened.

You said it yourself that every relationship struggles. So how am I immature for asking fellow Christians to help me with something frustrating? If I was immature I would have acted on it but I love GOD too much to lie so I came here for help. Where is the love and care that Christians are SUPPOSED to be known for? This is why the world despises us. There is more of judging others than helping others.

[RickD]

Tina, what you're seeing as judging, I'm seeing as advice. Straightforward, and brutally honest, but helpful advice.
It's difficult to see what people are saying, when we're the one being spoken to. Reading the responses, from my position, I see very good advice. You need to take everything that was said here, and really think and pray about it. We are trying to help you before you get deeper into this relationship, and then it'll be more difficult to help you.
Or, you can do what you want, and learn on your own.

All the answers here have your best interests at heart.

[1over137]

I love GOD too much to lie

Your own words, Tina.

If you want, you can PM me (am woman too).

[Tina]

jlay, I think your post is totally true and valid, but I personally think we should leave the "sexually active" part aside for now. I certainly don't want to promote promiscuity or meaningless sex or anything, but for now I would suggest Tina deals with the relationship, her emotions, and her own mental and spiritual health. You are right, it may have been a mistake to have sex with her fiance but, as they say, "what's done is done" and there is no reason that mistake will ruin her life or anything, unless she chooses to let that mistake do so.

As far as my two cents here....I know that I read the other thread that Reactionary posted when it was originally posted and as it has been repeatedly stated, it sounds like you are not ready for marriage. It was not that long ago that I was in high school and thought that relationships lasted forever and that I was mature enough to handle marriage and everything, but I think you'll find that everyone still has a LOT of growing up to do even after high school and college.

I wouldn't go so far as to say you immediately need to break up with this guy and move on, but clearly there needs to be some conversation and some serious working on both your parts. You need to open up an honest line of communication with him, let him know your concerns and not sneak behind his back. Even beyond whether that has anything to do with God, it would almost certainly be the wrong way to go about it. In essence, you would be trying to figure out his dishonesty by being dishonest to him. Two wrongs do not make a right.

I'm sorry guys for posting such nonsense. I know better than to do such a thing. I was just so frustrated I needed to let it out and find some support. My situation is difficult, as I have to live with my fiancé. And I love him. ( when I say I love him, I mean it. Please don't insult me and disregard everything I say just because of my age. I have been told by very many people that my maturity is beyond what it should be. In fact I just discussed this whole issue with my fiancés mother. She said because of my maturity, I'm expecting more of an adult relationship with my teenage fiancé which is a difficult problem )

And I do have some serious trust issues. Im sorry and I should have mentioned that. I thank you all for trying to help me. His mother and I will try to talk to him. She assures me he is just being a teen ( and that she had warned him not to have sex in the house) I am still concerned about a few things, but I will take the advice about talking to him. I know that what I really need to do is pray.

[1over137]

In fact I just discussed this whole issue with my fiancés mother.

Fiance's mothers are very good and helpful. (I know what I am talking about)

Glad to see some progress. Hopefully, you have some rest at the end of the day.