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The Entire Bible Explained

Posted: Sat Nov 22, 2014 8:56 pm
by Jac3510
GENESIS
God: Alright, you two, don't do the one thing. Other than that, have fun.
Adam & Eve: Okay.
Satan: You should do the thing.
Adam & Eve: Okay.
God: What happened!?
Adam & Eve: We did the thing.
God: Guys . . .

THE REST OF THE OLD TESTAMENT
God: You are my people, and you should not do the things.
People: We won't do the things.
God: Good.
People: We did the things.
God: Guys . . .

THE GOSPELS
Jesus: I am the Son of God, and even though you have done the things, the Father and I still love you and what you to live. Don't do the things anymore.
Healed people: Okay! Thank you!
Other people: We've never seen him do the things, but he probably does the things when no one is looking.
Jesus: I have never done the things.
Other people: We're going to put you on trial for doing the things.
Pilate: Did you do the things?
Jesus: No.
Pilate: He didn't do the things.
Other people: Kill him anyway.
Pilate: Okay.
Jesus: Guys . . .

PAUL'S LETTERS
People: We did the things.
Paul: Jesus still loves you, and because you love Him, you have to stop doing the things.
People: Okay.

PAUL'S LETTERS PART II
People: We did the things again.
Paul: Guys . . .

REVELATION
John: When Jesus comes back, there will be no more people who do the things. In the meantime, stop doing the things.

THE END

:pound:

(source)

Re: The Entire Bible Explained

Posted: Sat Nov 22, 2014 11:16 pm
by 1over137
Jac... ;)

Re: The Entire Bible Explained

Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2014 6:12 am
by PaulSacramento
When did you develop a sense of humour?
LOL !

Re: The Entire Bible Explained

Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2014 11:03 am
by 1over137
Maybe it was requirement for the certificate :)

Re: The Entire Bible Explained

Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 10:53 am
by Audie
So its not "Some time during eternity, some guys showed up....."?

Re: The Entire Bible Explained

Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 11:14 am
by Byblos
Audie wrote:So its not "Some time during eternity, some guys showed up....."?
No, no. You're confusing theology and philosophy. :mrgreen:

Re: The Entire Bible Explained

Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 11:18 am
by Audie
Byblos wrote:
Audie wrote:So its not "Some time during eternity, some guys showed up....."?
No, no. You're confusing theology and philosophy. :mrgreen:
Ferlenghetti was confused? Who knew?
Now things are all spinning seemingly out of control

Re: The Entire Bible Explained

Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2016 1:39 pm
by TheBarrd
I think I understand...but I have a question.

Do we still have to not do the things?

And can Jesus help us to not want to do the things?

I don't want to do the things...but sometimes I think I do the things anyway...

Re: The Entire Bible Explained

Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2016 2:30 pm
by Storyteller
TheBarrd wrote:I think I understand...but I have a question.

Do we still have to not do the things?

And can Jesus help us to not want to do the things?

I don't want to do the things...but sometimes I think I do the things anyway...
Yes to all of the above.

Re: The Entire Bible Explained

Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2016 2:31 pm
by Storyteller
Jac3510 wrote:GENESIS
God: Alright, you two, don't do the one thing. Other than that, have fun.
Adam & Eve: Okay.
Satan: You should do the thing.
Adam & Eve: Okay.
God: What happened!?
Adam & Eve: We did the thing.
God: Guys . . .

THE REST OF THE OLD TESTAMENT
God: You are my people, and you should not do the things.
People: We won't do the things.
God: Good.
People: We did the things.
God: Guys . . .

THE GOSPELS
Jesus: I am the Son of God, and even though you have done the things, the Father and I still love you and what you to live. Don't do the things anymore.
Healed people: Okay! Thank you!
Other people: We've never seen him do the things, but he probably does the things when no one is looking.
Jesus: I have never done the things.
Other people: We're going to put you on trial for doing the things.
Pilate: Did you do the things?
Jesus: No.
Pilate: He didn't do the things.
Other people: Kill him anyway.
Pilate: Okay.
Jesus: Guys . . .

PAUL'S LETTERS
People: We did the things.
Paul: Jesus still loves you, and because you love Him, you have to stop doing the things.
People: Okay.

PAUL'S LETTERS PART II
People: We did the things again.
Paul: Guys . . .

REVELATION
John: When Jesus comes back, there will be no more people who do the things. In the meantime, stop doing the things.

THE END

:pound:

(source)
I needed that Jac. y>:D<

Re: The Entire Bible Explained

Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2016 8:51 pm
by abelcainsbrother