The Entire Bible Explained

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Jac3510
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The Entire Bible Explained

#1

Post by Jac3510 » Sat Nov 22, 2014 8:56 pm

GENESIS
God: Alright, you two, don't do the one thing. Other than that, have fun.
Adam & Eve: Okay.
Satan: You should do the thing.
Adam & Eve: Okay.
God: What happened!?
Adam & Eve: We did the thing.
God: Guys . . .

THE REST OF THE OLD TESTAMENT
God: You are my people, and you should not do the things.
People: We won't do the things.
God: Good.
People: We did the things.
God: Guys . . .

THE GOSPELS
Jesus: I am the Son of God, and even though you have done the things, the Father and I still love you and what you to live. Don't do the things anymore.
Healed people: Okay! Thank you!
Other people: We've never seen him do the things, but he probably does the things when no one is looking.
Jesus: I have never done the things.
Other people: We're going to put you on trial for doing the things.
Pilate: Did you do the things?
Jesus: No.
Pilate: He didn't do the things.
Other people: Kill him anyway.
Pilate: Okay.
Jesus: Guys . . .

PAUL'S LETTERS
People: We did the things.
Paul: Jesus still loves you, and because you love Him, you have to stop doing the things.
People: Okay.

PAUL'S LETTERS PART II
People: We did the things again.
Paul: Guys . . .

REVELATION
John: When Jesus comes back, there will be no more people who do the things. In the meantime, stop doing the things.

THE END

:pound:

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Storyteller (Sat Jan 23, 2016 2:30 pm) • patrick (Sat Jan 23, 2016 10:08 pm) • TheBarrd (Tue Feb 02, 2016 7:17 pm)
Proinsias wrote:I don't think you are hearing me. Preference for ice cream is a moral issue
And that, brothers and sisters, is the kind of foolishness you get people who insist on denying biblical theism. A good illustration of any as the length people will go to avoid acknowledging basic truths.

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Re: The Entire Bible Explained

#2

Post by 1over137 » Sat Nov 22, 2014 11:16 pm

Jac... ;)
But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good.
-- 1 Thessalonians 5:21

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
-- Philippians 1:6

#foreverinmyheart

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Re: The Entire Bible Explained

#3

Post by PaulSacramento » Mon Nov 24, 2014 6:12 am

When did you develop a sense of humour?
LOL !

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Re: The Entire Bible Explained

#4

Post by 1over137 » Mon Nov 24, 2014 11:03 am

Maybe it was requirement for the certificate :)
But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good.
-- 1 Thessalonians 5:21

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
-- Philippians 1:6

#foreverinmyheart

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Re: The Entire Bible Explained

#5

Post by Audie » Thu Jan 29, 2015 10:53 am

So its not "Some time during eternity, some guys showed up....."?

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Re: The Entire Bible Explained

#6

Post by Byblos » Thu Jan 29, 2015 11:14 am

Audie wrote:So its not "Some time during eternity, some guys showed up....."?
No, no. You're confusing theology and philosophy. :mrgreen:
Let us proclaim the mystery of our faith: Christ has died, Christ is risen, Christ will come again.

Lord I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.

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Re: The Entire Bible Explained

#7

Post by Audie » Thu Jan 29, 2015 11:18 am

Byblos wrote:
Audie wrote:So its not "Some time during eternity, some guys showed up....."?
No, no. You're confusing theology and philosophy. :mrgreen:
Ferlenghetti was confused? Who knew?
Now things are all spinning seemingly out of control

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Re: The Entire Bible Explained

#8

Post by TheBarrd » Sat Jan 23, 2016 1:39 pm

I think I understand...but I have a question.

Do we still have to not do the things?

And can Jesus help us to not want to do the things?

I don't want to do the things...but sometimes I think I do the things anyway...
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patrick (Sat Jan 23, 2016 10:10 pm)
"Lord, I have no gift to bring
Only this little song I sing."

"My child," gently smiled the Lord,
"Go, and sing it to the world."


The Barrd

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Re: The Entire Bible Explained

#9

Post by Storyteller » Sat Jan 23, 2016 2:30 pm

TheBarrd wrote:I think I understand...but I have a question.

Do we still have to not do the things?

And can Jesus help us to not want to do the things?

I don't want to do the things...but sometimes I think I do the things anyway...
Yes to all of the above.
Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof - Kahlil Gibran

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Re: The Entire Bible Explained

#10

Post by Storyteller » Sat Jan 23, 2016 2:31 pm

Jac3510 wrote:GENESIS
God: Alright, you two, don't do the one thing. Other than that, have fun.
Adam & Eve: Okay.
Satan: You should do the thing.
Adam & Eve: Okay.
God: What happened!?
Adam & Eve: We did the thing.
God: Guys . . .

THE REST OF THE OLD TESTAMENT
God: You are my people, and you should not do the things.
People: We won't do the things.
God: Good.
People: We did the things.
God: Guys . . .

THE GOSPELS
Jesus: I am the Son of God, and even though you have done the things, the Father and I still love you and what you to live. Don't do the things anymore.
Healed people: Okay! Thank you!
Other people: We've never seen him do the things, but he probably does the things when no one is looking.
Jesus: I have never done the things.
Other people: We're going to put you on trial for doing the things.
Pilate: Did you do the things?
Jesus: No.
Pilate: He didn't do the things.
Other people: Kill him anyway.
Pilate: Okay.
Jesus: Guys . . .

PAUL'S LETTERS
People: We did the things.
Paul: Jesus still loves you, and because you love Him, you have to stop doing the things.
People: Okay.

PAUL'S LETTERS PART II
People: We did the things again.
Paul: Guys . . .

REVELATION
John: When Jesus comes back, there will be no more people who do the things. In the meantime, stop doing the things.

THE END

:pound:

(source)
I needed that Jac. y>:D<
Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof - Kahlil Gibran

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Re: The Entire Bible Explained

#11

Post by abelcainsbrother » Sat Jan 23, 2016 8:51 pm

Hebrews 12:2-3 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith;who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross,despising the shame,and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

2nd Corinthians 4:4 In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not,lest the light of this glorious gospel of Christ,who is the image of God,should shine unto them.

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