Questions about Australia

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Deborah
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Questions about Australia

#1

Post by Deborah » Fri Aug 12, 2005 3:58 pm

The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors. They
were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the
actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night
in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
Church tradition tells us that when John, son of Zebadee and brother of James was an old man, his disciples would carry him to church in their arms.
He would simply say, “Little children, love one another”
After a time his disciples wearied at always hearing these same words and asked “Master why do you always say this?
He replied, “it is the Lords command, and if done, it is enough”

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#2

Post by AttentionKMartShoppers » Fri Aug 12, 2005 4:33 pm

Nice. I think one of those questions from the USA looks familiar....
"My actions prove that God takes care of idiots."

He occasionally stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself up and hurried on as if nothing had happened.
- On Stanley Baldwin

-Winston Churchill

An atheist can't find God for the same reason a criminal can't find a police officer.

You need to start asking out girls so that you can get used to the rejections.
-Anonymous

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#3

Post by bob2010 » Fri Aug 12, 2005 7:40 pm

aw, no one asked about vegemite. ive heard some rather funny discriptions of that.

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Deborah
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#4

Post by Deborah » Fri Aug 12, 2005 9:17 pm

bob2010 wrote:aw, no one asked about vegemite. ive heard some rather funny discriptions of that.
Vegimite is no longer Australian soooo who cares lol
Besides that it's probably filled with that icky tar left overs from the ciggy company that own craft. :evil:
Church tradition tells us that when John, son of Zebadee and brother of James was an old man, his disciples would carry him to church in their arms.
He would simply say, “Little children, love one another”
After a time his disciples wearied at always hearing these same words and asked “Master why do you always say this?
He replied, “it is the Lords command, and if done, it is enough”

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#5

Post by AttentionKMartShoppers » Fri Aug 12, 2005 10:04 pm

bob2010 wrote:aw, no one asked about vegemite. ive heard some rather funny discriptions of that.
Vegemite=tar+food coloring (I know, I tasted it) It was originally made for greasing car engines or something like that
"My actions prove that God takes care of idiots."

He occasionally stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself up and hurried on as if nothing had happened.
- On Stanley Baldwin

-Winston Churchill

An atheist can't find God for the same reason a criminal can't find a police officer.

You need to start asking out girls so that you can get used to the rejections.
-Anonymous

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#6

Post by Felgar » Sat Aug 13, 2005 12:11 am

Yeah, vegemite is terrible stuff.

I'm proud to say, not a single ignorant question from a Canadian. :)

Another bane of your existance down there is your "so-called" tomato sauce. For any Aussie's out there, do you understand the difference between that and Ketchup? Because if you don't then you are truly missing out. :D

Also, did you know, that none of those photo-radar stations on the freeways are actually equiped with a camera? :) Maybe not none, but very few.

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#7

Post by AttentionKMartShoppers » Sat Aug 13, 2005 8:13 pm

Canada's idiots just know when to keep quiet I guess. :wink: But we can't do that in America. 3/4 of the politicians would never speak again. And the Democrats would cease to be.
"My actions prove that God takes care of idiots."

He occasionally stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself up and hurried on as if nothing had happened.
- On Stanley Baldwin

-Winston Churchill

An atheist can't find God for the same reason a criminal can't find a police officer.

You need to start asking out girls so that you can get used to the rejections.
-Anonymous

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#8

Post by kateliz » Tue Aug 16, 2005 1:29 am

:lol: I just loved that! Except for the protitute one. That was offensive.

Thanks for postin' it, Deb!

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#9

Post by XenonII » Sun Aug 21, 2005 9:03 am

kateliz wrote::lol: I just loved that! Except for the protitute one. That was offensive.

Thanks for postin' it, Deb!
Yeah that and the homophobic joke was pretty offensive aswell. I didn't realise "gays" only came in the one gender. :roll:

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#10

Post by BavarianWheels » Mon Aug 22, 2005 6:07 pm

.
.
The best jokes are those that stir up controversy.
.
.

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#11

Post by kateliz » Tue Aug 23, 2005 8:05 am

Don't agree. The best jokes can be appreciated by all who can appreciate anything at all. That's my standard, but I don't think I'd laugh at those more than others.

I didn't get offended at the "gay" joke because it's just truth. And "gay" is generally thought of as homosexual men. Or, as I like to say, men who think they are homosexual. I don't believe anyone is ever born that way, or that it's merely a matter of "sexual preference." And for pete's sake Xenon, it's not homophobic! It's just saying that assumably male homosexual nightclubs have no women.

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#12

Post by AttentionKMartShoppers » Tue Aug 23, 2005 3:40 pm

So, jokes are made against groups of people who the author fear?
"My actions prove that God takes care of idiots."

He occasionally stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself up and hurried on as if nothing had happened.
- On Stanley Baldwin

-Winston Churchill

An atheist can't find God for the same reason a criminal can't find a police officer.

You need to start asking out girls so that you can get used to the rejections.
-Anonymous

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#13

Post by XenonII » Fri Aug 26, 2005 5:46 am

AttentionKMartShoppers wrote:So, jokes are made against groups of people who the author fear?
Fear or hate and hate comes from fear.

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