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binaxa
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smoking

#1

Post by binaxa » Sun Apr 04, 2010 4:17 am

How do i cope with my miscarriage? i started bleeding last sunday suppose to be 7 weeks pregnant, then started clotting monday right through to today sunday, i went to the toilet and i felt another clot coming out it was the babies placenta perfectly formed and the makings of baby attached by the cord. I dont know how to deal with this? i have lost so much and this just tore my heart out, i hate hearing people announcing there pregnancy or seeing pregnant women as it hurts so much im happy for them but just sad. I saw a pregnant lady yesterday and she was smoking and i just wanted to punch her in the face its so unfair that we do everything right and lose our babies and they get to keep them.
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Last edited by binaxa on Thu Apr 08, 2010 10:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Jac3510
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Re: smoking

#2

Post by Jac3510 » Sun Apr 04, 2010 8:42 am

First, and above all, let me say that I am so sorry for your loss. I've never been through a miscarriage, so I can't pretend that I know how you feel, but having lost loved ones in the past, I know the pain of loss generally, and in that, you are in my prayers.

Second, I'm sure you know that there are no magic words to make any of it feel better. I doubt that's what you are looking for anyway, so much as you are support. "Magic words" would trivialize it . . . as if you could just read the right phrase and everything would be better. Your loss was real, and if you are going to cope at all, or if anyone is going to be there to support you, they need to realize that.

Beyond that, there are a few things that you probably already know, but are worth remembering:

1. It isn't your fault. Some people--men and women--think it was somehow their fault. As you know, I'm sure, the vast majority of miscarriages have nothing to do with you.

2. Expect anger. It is part of the grieving process. I don't know if you are a Christian or not, but it is typical for people to start by blaming themselves and then shift the blame to God, even if they don't realize it. The underlying thought is, "How could You let this happen?"While I certainly would never encourage any anger toward God, remember that He is big enough to handle your questions. You aren't going to hurt His self-esteem by telling Him how you feel, and studies have shown that even just "naming" your anger internally (i.e., through prayer) can go a long way in helping you recover.

3. Expect depression. It is also part of the grieving process. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being sad . . . God made us to be emotional creatures. If, however, the sadness develops into real depression and then starts to affect your daily life, you should definitely find a support group or talk to your pastor to help you with those issues.

The best thing I can tell you is to find a support group of some sort anyway, whether it is family or friends or your church or an actual group. What helps more than anything else is being with other people who have been there. You will be able to draw strength from those who have "made it," and, better, you will be able to offer strength to those who are going through what you have already gone through. Sometimes the best road to recovery is helping someone else on theirs.

As far as the issue of smoking goes, you raise the same theological question that the Bible does:

"Why do the wicked live on, growing old and increasing in power? They see their children established around them, their offspring before their eyes. Their homes are safe and free from fear; the rod of God is not upon them. Their bulls never fail to breed; their cows calve and do not miscarry. They send forth their children as a flock; their little ones dance about. They sing to the music of tambourine and harp; they make merry to the sound of the flute. They spend their years in prosperity and go down to the grave in peace. Yet they say to God, 'Leave us alone! We have no desire to know your ways. Who is the Almighty, that we should serve him? What would we gain by praying to him?' " (Job 21:7-15)

For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked." (Ps 73:3)

I would encourage you to read both of those passages in their entirety to get the biblical answer. The bottom line is that God sees all of this, and He will give to each their due in the end. This world, sadly, is fallen, and not as it was intended to be. But there will be a future when every tear will be wiped away. While that doesn't help us feel better today, it does help us grieve, because in our grief, there is a hope that we fix ourselves on, which is a hope in the future (see 1 Thess. 4:13-18).

God bless
Proinsias wrote:I don't think you are hearing me. Preference for ice cream is a moral issue
And that, brothers and sisters, is the kind of foolishness you get people who insist on denying biblical theism. A good illustration of any as the length people will go to avoid acknowledging basic truths.

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zoegirl
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Re: smoking

#3

Post by zoegirl » Fri Apr 09, 2010 7:00 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. I have not lost a child but I have lost relationships...the only thing that anchors me and helped and still helps me is having learned that God wants all of us, our hurts, our tears, our grief...sometimes we don't give that to Him, thinking that we shouldn't feel that. But if anyone understands grief, it is our Lord and Savior, who suffered Himself. Even when we our sobbing, even when we are shaking with anger, we are to talk to Him.

I will pray for you.
"And we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Jesus Christ"

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