Doubts

[Munchkin]

Hi, am so sorry to request prayer as soon as I join, but if anyone would be willing to whisper a prayer for me, I'd be so so grateful. God has always put on my heart to talk to atheists and people struggling with their faith (I was an anti-Christian atheist prior to my conversion 3 and a half years ago) and I've spent the last few months debating, and talking and witnessing fairly incessantly, largely to "New Atheists" and a few days ago, I woke up and realised I suddenly didn't feel God; suddenly I had doubts, and when am praying, I sit there and wonder whether I'm talking to myself. I'm a bit scared. Even writing that is scary cos it makes it real.

I start full time mission training in 2 weeks, and I have made a commitment to serve God for the rest of my life, but snippets of what people have said keeps coming back to me and I keep telling the enemy to back off, but I have a quiet sick feeling in the pit of my stomach - like the feeling when you're breaking up with someone? So, please, I would so appreciate any prayers because am finding this very, very difficult. I'm having to depend on Christian apologetics to buttress my faith at the moment, and I can't bear that because I need for my faith to be predicated on my conviction that He is there, and He is who He says He is. Just finding this difficult and really need some help.

Thank you, family. x

[cslewislover]

Ok munchkin, sure enough. Welcome to the board. The Lord will not leave you. If you have specific doubts you can ask about them here.

[Byblos]

Prayers going up, Munchkin .

Keep working at it, He will not abandon you.

[Munchkin]

Thank you both so much.

That's the crazy thing: there are no specific things. Everything just feels really overwhelming, and seeing people turn away from Him is so painful. Mostly for them, but talking with them (and seeing how hateful and angry people become when they lose their faith) is so demoralising in the sense that, it makes me wonder whether this is all nonsense. Even though I know - I know - He is there, and it's certainly not nonsense.

I absolutely believe that we ought to follow Christ not for what He can do for us, but what what He did and yet I find myself really needing Him to reassure me somehow. At which point I replay the words of people saying they needed the same thing and He never did, and it's making me afraid. But, see, I actively denied Him for 3 years before finally submitting, and I refuse to believe He would be so persistent only to allow me to fall away now. Cos, that's the thing, isn't it: if we feel distant from God, it's not Him that's gone anywhere. And yet I don't feel I've turned away and, in fact, am desperate to feel close to Him again... this probably isn't even terribly coherent. Have not vocalised any of this until now, so I guess it's just spilling out. Am sorry.

[cslewislover]

I actively denied Him for 3 years before finally submitting, and I refuse to believe He would be so persistent only to allow me to fall away now. Cos, that's the thing, isn't it: if we feel distant from God, it's not Him that's gone anywhere. And yet I don't feel I've turned away and, in fact, am desperate to feel close to Him again... this probably isn't even terribly coherent. Have not vocalised any of this until now, so I guess it's just spilling out. Am sorry.

Yeah, you're right. He wouldn't pursue you like that and then leave you. We all go through this same thing, I think. Just keep reading the bible and praying. This will pass. And about the other people . . . they may come back to Christ too, you just don't know what the future holds. Bless you!

[zoegirl]

WIll do munchkin, prayers sent

[Gabrielman]

I will keep you in my prayers. Welcome to the board btw!
God bless!

[Gabrielman]

Have not vocalised any of this until now, so I guess it's just spilling out. Am sorry.

No need to apologize, we all need to do that at times!
God bless!

[zoegirl]

Continuing to pray

[topic]

Munchkin,
Doubt is not a bad at all. You have expressed concern about feeling you are becoming detached from God.From my observations such feelings and acts are recognition that there is an attachement to yourself and God, if you didn't care and had no connection,then the lose would not affect you, which clearly it does. You have to realise that just by puting yourself out there, that in itself is Glory to God.
People expect allot with God but it may not be what God knows you need. Couple of examples. Isaiah was a great prophet and he was in a bit of a very difficult situation, and he asked God to help him. He was in a cave and he saw thunder and lightening and thought it was God, but it was not. A gentle breeze blew over him but he did not take any notice of it. He asked God where he was and God replied " i was that breeze".
The Jews where in the same mindset. When Christ came they wanted the thunder and lightening and a great warrior like King David as the Messiah, but Christ came as a lamb ( like Isaiahs' soft wind).
When you speak to others about God, you are sowing seed, but the growth and harvest of that seed, is not your call and you may not even see the result, but you must keep in mind that God will give them sustinance and harvest your faith to those who want it. As Jesus said, some will listen and believe, others will listen and stay lukewarm to the idea, and others will reject it immediatly.
It many not sound like much to you but - sit with God and feel the small breeze, go and do what you feel he is asking you to do and know in this that you have given your faith a growth that is beyond measure. The harvest is by Gods design, just enjoy the time.
As for the prayer - already done, just don't be so hard on yourself.