The Lonely Emptiness

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Rob
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The Lonely Emptiness

#1

Post by Rob » Fri Apr 24, 2015 9:00 am

Hi guys.

I've been gone from here for probably a month or so. Well, my last month has been terrible. On March 8th I got married (re-married actually to the same woman). Two weeks later she revealed to me that she had feelings for a guy at work. Now she's gone. We'd been together but not remarried since 2011, then we married and she dropped the bomb on me that she'd been seeing this guy for a while.

I thought I was doing what God wanted by making my family whole again. I can't believe she could stand up there, look me in the eyes, say the things she said and then just poof- all gone. And for some guy that she has nothing in common with but race. That's another thing I don't understand. The guy is smaller than her (she's tiny), also Asian, but acts like a gangsta and sounds like Chris Rock.
I've met him a few times. He even shook my hand once when I was picking her up from hanging out with her "friends" (read: him).

She's moved out of the house now. She broke the news to my poor daughter that she was leaving a few weeks ago. It was a terrible, terrible thing to behold. She's broken. I'm broken. I don't even know what to feel anymore. There are no tears left in my body.

For the first time ever I feel like I hate her and that scares me. I'm supposed to forgive her, but I can't. Not now anyway. Not after the dog and pony show she put me through in front of our church and families. My daughter and I bonded a lot nearing Easter over our common love for Christ. I watched some Jesus movies with her and answered all her questions. She told me she wanted to become a disciple of Him and would like to be baptized. That Easter Sunday at church we had baptisms and I wrote something special for her. Both her mother and I stood up there with her and it was that evening that her mother revealed to me that she was actually leaving for sure. (She'd been telling me about her feelings for this guy a couple weeks before).

So now it's just her and I in our house together. She's been staying over at this douche bag's apartment. (He's 35- 10 years older than her- and still has a room mate in a college area of town. Real winner.)

I haven't talked to her much, but she has now revealed to me that this entire thing was God's will for her life. She actually believes that God got her her job in order to meet this guy, cheat on me, marry me, then divorce me to be with this guy. How messed up is that?

I told her that her God is herself and she's as bad as Mohammed. Funny how God's will lines up with exactly what she wants to do. :roll:

I don't know guys. The nights have been terrible. When you're used to being with someone it gets really lonely.
She's tried to come back to me like 6 times now. A requirement from me for her to come back was to cut things off with this guy, which seems to me like a very reasonable request. Apparently it's not because she's not willing to do it.

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Re: The Lonely Emptiness

#2

Post by Mallz » Fri Apr 24, 2015 9:18 am

How old is your daughter? Just curious, I'm a pediatric nurse.

Wow man. Just wow. Every man's worst fears. And I say this out of empathy..
You know you have to forgive her, but don't worry about that right now, ok? You need to go through the process of this..
What matters is you and your daughter. And the strength and closeness that can be built from this.

Maybe it is Gods will, that she not be with you. Because she was never and will never be with Him. Why would He want someone like that to be with you? He loves you more than that...
Sometimes we hope for things that aren't real...
Take time to fully move on from her. Break away.

I don't feel like I"m being helpful. But I had to respond. I've felt a connection with you Rob, a similarity of souls and I respect you.
If you ever want to talk PM me, do. And that includes de-stressing ^_^

I leave you with this thought. She obviously was never invested enough in you, and more importantly your daughter. What does that mean?

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Re: The Lonely Emptiness

#3

Post by Rob » Fri Apr 24, 2015 10:25 am

Mallz wrote: Maybe it is Gods will, that she not be with you. Because she was never and will never be with Him. Why would He want someone like that to be with you? He loves you more than that...
Sometimes we hope for things that aren't real...
Take time to fully move on from her. Break away.
My daughter is 8 years old.

I never thought of it that way... Maybe you're right. Honestly it's always been me trying to push her towards God. She had an emotional altar call experience once, but...I think that was about it.

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Re: The Lonely Emptiness

#4

Post by 1over137 » Fri Apr 24, 2015 12:53 pm

A requirement from me for her to come back was to cut things off with this guy, which seems to me like a very reasonable request. Apparently it's not because she's not willing to do it
it is a very reasonable request.

and if she ... then you are allowed to divorce her Matthew 19:9

does she love the other guy more than you and daughter?
But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good.
-- 1 Thessalonians 5:21

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
-- Philippians 1:6

#foreverinmyheart

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Re: The Lonely Emptiness

#5

Post by Mallz » Fri Apr 24, 2015 6:46 pm

does she love the other guy more than you and daughter?
1over (aka Lover 8-}2 y@};- ) her actions are saying she does. Not only that, but she is in and out of the family. So another problem is that she chooses to break up family for selfish reasons. She's even leaving a daughter for her wants. If it is happening now, she has the capability and desire to do it. She's an adulteress of the heart.
My daughter is 8 years old.
That's a fun age ^_^
She needs a stable foundation. Share your pain together to open new doors to joy.
You can be happy right now. And thanking YHWH you and your daughter just dodged a bullet :mrgreen:

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Re: The Lonely Emptiness

#6

Post by abelcainsbrother » Fri Apr 24, 2015 10:29 pm

Wow! I hate to hear this, and it is not easy to deal with something like this.You need time to heal,although it can be hard to,but you can.You have your daughter at least and that is a big thing right there.I do not think you should want her back as I don't see how you would trust her,I know it is hard to but I think you need to move on as God can send you somebody better if its his will.I don't think you should take her back just so your family can be back together as you need trust or nothing.You need time to heal and it can happen but it can take time.I'll pray for you but I know its hurting right now,this is normal.I would say do not beat yourself up,think you're a fool,etc think of it as the truth coming out that you needed exposed.It's not going to be easy but you have your daughter and that is big,most of the time they are gone too.I hope that you get through this without something worse happening.My prayers are for you.
Hebrews 12:2-3 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith;who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross,despising the shame,and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

2nd Corinthians 4:4 In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not,lest the light of this glorious gospel of Christ,who is the image of God,should shine unto them.

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Re: The Lonely Emptiness

#7

Post by Silvertusk » Sat Apr 25, 2015 12:32 am

Rob wrote:Hi guys.

I've been gone from here for probably a month or so. Well, my last month has been terrible. On March 8th I got married (re-married actually to the same woman). Two weeks later she revealed to me that she had feelings for a guy at work. Now she's gone. We'd been together but not remarried since 2011, then we married and she dropped the bomb on me that she'd been seeing this guy for a while.

I thought I was doing what God wanted by making my family whole again. I can't believe she could stand up there, look me in the eyes, say the things she said and then just poof- all gone. And for some guy that she has nothing in common with but race. That's another thing I don't understand. The guy is smaller than her (she's tiny), also Asian, but acts like a gangsta and sounds like Chris Rock.
I've met him a few times. He even shook my hand once when I was picking her up from hanging out with her "friends" (read: him).

She's moved out of the house now. She broke the news to my poor daughter that she was leaving a few weeks ago. It was a terrible, terrible thing to behold. She's broken. I'm broken. I don't even know what to feel anymore. There are no tears left in my body.

For the first time ever I feel like I hate her and that scares me. I'm supposed to forgive her, but I can't. Not now anyway. Not after the dog and pony show she put me through in front of our church and families. My daughter and I bonded a lot nearing Easter over our common love for Christ. I watched some Jesus movies with her and answered all her questions. She told me she wanted to become a disciple of Him and would like to be baptized. That Easter Sunday at church we had baptisms and I wrote something special for her. Both her mother and I stood up there with her and it was that evening that her mother revealed to me that she was actually leaving for sure. (She'd been telling me about her feelings for this guy a couple weeks before).

So now it's just her and I in our house together. She's been staying over at this douche bag's apartment. (He's 35- 10 years older than her- and still has a room mate in a college area of town. Real winner.)

I haven't talked to her much, but she has now revealed to me that this entire thing was God's will for her life. She actually believes that God got her her job in order to meet this guy, cheat on me, marry me, then divorce me to be with this guy. How messed up is that?

I told her that her God is herself and she's as bad as Mohammed. Funny how God's will lines up with exactly what she wants to do. :roll:

I don't know guys. The nights have been terrible. When you're used to being with someone it gets really lonely.
She's tried to come back to me like 6 times now. A requirement from me for her to come back was to cut things off with this guy, which seems to me like a very reasonable request. Apparently it's not because she's not willing to do it.
So so sorry for the horrible things you are going through. Forgiveness is hard and God grace will help you with that - but it is a process and I doubt anyone here is expecting you to do it straight away. But forgiveness doesn't mean that you have to get back with her or trust her. You are biblically within your rights to divorce her. Any advice given from someone not going through your situation is probably going to sound lame - but I would just focus on the two most important people in your life right now - Jesus and your daughter. Build on your relationship with both - make that even stronger - build stronger bonds and I hope the loneliness and emptiness will soon go. Lean on Him and enjoy this precious time with your daughter.

God Bless you

Silvertusk.

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Re: The Lonely Emptiness

#8

Post by Storyteller » Sat Apr 25, 2015 2:52 am

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Rob))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I have sent you a pm x
Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof - Kahlil Gibran

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Re: The Lonely Emptiness

#9

Post by 1over137 » Sun Jun 14, 2015 2:05 am

But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good.
-- 1 Thessalonians 5:21

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
-- Philippians 1:6

#foreverinmyheart

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Re: The Lonely Emptiness

#10

Post by neo-x » Sun Jun 14, 2015 3:15 am

Rob wrote:Hi guys.

I've been gone from here for probably a month or so. Well, my last month has been terrible. On March 8th I got married (re-married actually to the same woman). Two weeks later she revealed to me that she had feelings for a guy at work. Now she's gone. We'd been together but not remarried since 2011, then we married and she dropped the bomb on me that she'd been seeing this guy for a while.

I thought I was doing what God wanted by making my family whole again. I can't believe she could stand up there, look me in the eyes, say the things she said and then just poof- all gone. And for some guy that she has nothing in common with but race. That's another thing I don't understand. The guy is smaller than her (she's tiny), also Asian, but acts like a gangsta and sounds like Chris Rock.
I've met him a few times. He even shook my hand once when I was picking her up from hanging out with her "friends" (read: him).

She's moved out of the house now. She broke the news to my poor daughter that she was leaving a few weeks ago. It was a terrible, terrible thing to behold. She's broken. I'm broken. I don't even know what to feel anymore. There are no tears left in my body.

For the first time ever I feel like I hate her and that scares me. I'm supposed to forgive her, but I can't. Not now anyway. Not after the dog and pony show she put me through in front of our church and families. My daughter and I bonded a lot nearing Easter over our common love for Christ. I watched some Jesus movies with her and answered all her questions. She told me she wanted to become a disciple of Him and would like to be baptized. That Easter Sunday at church we had baptisms and I wrote something special for her. Both her mother and I stood up there with her and it was that evening that her mother revealed to me that she was actually leaving for sure. (She'd been telling me about her feelings for this guy a couple weeks before).

So now it's just her and I in our house together. She's been staying over at this douche bag's apartment. (He's 35- 10 years older than her- and still has a room mate in a college area of town. Real winner.)

I haven't talked to her much, but she has now revealed to me that this entire thing was God's will for her life. She actually believes that God got her her job in order to meet this guy, cheat on me, marry me, then divorce me to be with this guy. How messed up is that?

I told her that her God is herself and she's as bad as Mohammed. Funny how God's will lines up with exactly what she wants to do. :roll:

I don't know guys. The nights have been terrible. When you're used to being with someone it gets really lonely.
She's tried to come back to me like 6 times now. A requirement from me for her to come back was to cut things off with this guy, which seems to me like a very reasonable request. Apparently it's not because she's not willing to do it.
I am very sad to hear this and just wanted to say, try flushing her out of your system. Try going back to normal as soon as you can. It would be best for your kid. You don't have to forgive her or anything just because it says you have to, this shouldn't even be in your radar or anything. Forgiveness comes when we find peace in God, then it comes automatically. So don't worry about that. Focus on yourself and your kid. That woman just made God the scapegoat of what she wanted.

I know the feeling bro, I went through something similar but I wasn't married and have no kids so I can only imagine what that must feel like. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You have done remarkably well, you have been reasonable and you have let out and shared your problem with your friends. That is a sign of steady mind and a good heart.

I wish you the best.
It would be a blessing if they missed the cairns and got lost on the way back. Or if
the Thing on the ice got them tonight.

I could only turn and stare in horror at the chief surgeon.
Death by starvation is a terrible thing, Goodsir, continued Stanley.
And with that we went below to the flame-flickering Darkness of the lower deck
and to a cold almost the equal of the Dante-esque Ninth Circle Arctic Night
without.


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Re: The Lonely Emptiness

#11

Post by Nicki » Sun Jun 14, 2015 8:37 am

Very sorry to hear this. It's good to express your feelings, to us, yourself, God and whoever - it can be a relief to acknowledge them rather than try to make yourself feel better. You can do things that will help over time though, like doing things you enjoy with your daughter. y>:D<

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