I'm depressed....

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Callisto
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I'm depressed....

#1

Post by Callisto » Fri Jul 20, 2012 7:47 am

I've had bouts when I felt REALLY depressed in my life. I don't think it's clinical depression, because I always have causes that I can point to and say, "This is making me depressed". Problem is, I can't change it.

It's gotten really bad in the last week. Sometimes I think the Internet makes things so much worse, even though it does great things. I can't go on social media sites like Facebook without feeling inferior. My friends are away from me or drifting away (two have never been very close, and the other two close ones live fairly far away from me, so I have no one). My family is about all I can rely on, and I can't even visit them though they live 40 minutes away because I'm being forced to work all the time or be in classes. I'm shy and anxious and it's killing me. I've lost interest in my career subject somewhat (and I've been in college for 6 years already - I'm very nearly 24 years old). I don't want to go to an internship that badly, I don't want graduate school, but to get my license for the major I have to do it. I don't have a love interest but desperately want one (I've never had one, just a few dates here and there). I have a mad crush on someone with whom I can never be with and it's killing me because I already feel so damned alone. All I can think about is people I care about and those I've never met are going to their eternal doom and since I'm empathic, it's all I can think about. The futile things in my life can't keep me happy anymore because they are pointless and yet, I am living here and now and can do nothing about it. I don't like one of my jobs but have to do it so it looks good on an internship application. I'm UNHAPPY. I've spent the last several days having crying spells, tears are dripping on the desk as I type, and I've barely eaten a thing in the last couple of days. No appetite. I can't afford therapy unless I can get my parents to pay for it, and then my mom will try to push for me to back on antidepressants to curb my anxiety, but I know for a fact that those same antidepressants were giving me side-effects that just gave me more anxiety. I am in utter anguish. I actually skipped class to type this out, and because I just wasn't feeling well mentally, emotionally, and as a result, physically. I feel like I should get on my knees and ask God for help, but I've done that before, and nothing changes. Am I supposed to be stuck in this emotional misery? What can I do? There are so many problems I don't know where to start. I'm hurting so bad and I can't seem to find the way out.

:crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:

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Re: I'm depressed....

#2

Post by PaulSacramento » Fri Jul 20, 2012 8:32 am

You need to try and find balance in your life, seems like there is too much of doing what you need and not enough doing what you want.
You need to try to find joy in the little things in life and also realize that life IS a struggle and is NOT easy for anyone ( you are not alone).
Ask Our Lord for the strength you need and know that you are loved and that your family cares for you and WE care for you and are praying for you to feel better and to find the strength you need.
When we ask God for strength, He gives us the opportunity to be strong.
When we ask for Help, God gives us the opportunity to find that help in others that He sends our way AND He is always there for Us.
When we need Him most, that is when God is there the most BUT it seems to also be the time when we THINK He is there the least.
You are NOT alone.

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Re: I'm depressed....

#3

Post by Reactionary » Fri Jul 20, 2012 8:47 am

Hi, Callisto.

I understand you. Sometimes I feel the same way. It's just that, since I'm a Thinker rather than Feeler, worries and concerns tend to affect me less.
Still, I can't say that I don't sometimes feel what you do. Let's go step by step.

1) The Internet. Avoid Christian-bashing sites. Intuitive introverts like you and me are allergic to ignorance. Reading that can only make you upset, yet there is nothing significant you can do about it. And you shouldn't, since you're sensitive and by trying to correct the wrong attitudes of other people, you bring more harm to yourself than benefit to others.
2) Your friends. I know quite a lot of people, but I don't have any friends in the true sense of the word. Those are people I encounter at my college, we sit down for a cup of coffee and chat, but nothing more than that. During summer holidays, everyone scatters and I'm very often alone, by myself. I got used to that, it's just that I'm not completely sure whether it's about me, or most people are that way. I have high emotional intelligence, and I don't see a reason why people would avoid me. So I'd bet on the latter. Like you, I often have to rely on my family when I need to talk about something important and/or personal. So you're not alone in that.
3) Love life. I'm single as well. It's hard for me to find a girl who shares my views and lifestyle, especially at this age. An INxx personality would be ideal for me, but they are rare and hard to find. I don't "actively" look - I try to meet new people, so if it happens, it happens. I used to have crushes, I no longer do - I've kinda become indifferent. Which is on one hand tragic for a guy in his 20s, on the other hand it eased my communication with females because all that confusion, anxiety and awkwardness disappeared. So that's at least something positive.

Enough about me. 8) So, what's there to do? I think you should seek counseling. Christian counseling if possible. It would be good to avoid antidepressants if possible - those are used when there is a chemical imbalance, i.e. when you're depressed for no reason. You are depressed for a good reason - you don't feel happy and fulfilled. It would be great if you could make a positive change in your life, like a new, interesting job, a hobby or a boyfriend. :mrgreen:

You need to think about yourself - if you continue like that, you'll bring yourself severe health problems, and you're only 24. Do you want to spend the rest of your life on meds? You're a young and educated woman with life in front of you, God certainly wouldn't want you to screw it up. Remember 1 Corinthians 10:13. With His help, of course. This article offers an interesting insight: http://watchinggravity.blogspot.com/200 ... u-can.html

Good luck. I believe in you. y)>-

P.S.
Callisto wrote:I can't afford therapy unless I can get my parents to pay for it,
That's why I support universal health care. And I get called a socialist because of that. Sigh. :shakehead:
"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces." Matthew 7:6

"For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse." Romans 1:20

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Re: I'm depressed....

#4

Post by 1over137 » Fri Jul 20, 2012 9:00 am

The state of misery will not last forever. I myself went through depression.
And it is true, we care about you.
Food is important, so try to eat something. Fruit is good. I remember, my mother-in-law was making me strawberry cocktail. Was great. Do you play some instrument? Could help you to relieve your emotions.
But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good.
-- 1 Thessalonians 5:21

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
-- Philippians 1:6

#foreverinmyheart

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Re: I'm depressed....

#5

Post by 1over137 » Sat Jul 21, 2012 1:54 am

... am just reading Romans 8 and when reading the following I recalled you.

"18For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.'

"26Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."

Take care.
But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good.
-- 1 Thessalonians 5:21

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
-- Philippians 1:6

#foreverinmyheart

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Callisto
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Re: I'm depressed....

#6

Post by Callisto » Sat Jul 21, 2012 6:52 am

Thanks for the replies.

I've asked God for comfort and help but I feel as if I'm talking to a brick wall. I think my doubt is building and faith wavering, particularly over the doctrine of Hell, it's always bothered me that it's eternal... I have a hard time seeing how God could do this. I feel horrible around other people whom may not be Christian because of the doctrine. It hurts me so much. I know there are other forms of the doctrine that are less... harsh (like universalism). But I have no idea if they are true and others here tend to bash on it. I suppose the truth hurts. And God does it hurt. (But it doesn't make sense.) How can anyone live a life being vibrant and happy when so many people are condemned forever? I HAVE been avoiding "Christian-bashing" sites for the most part. I used to be happier, honestly, when I was not thinking about apologetics, theology, or philosophy. I wasn't brooding on eternal doom for the vast majority of the world's population, I wasn't depressed about it. And other things. It's been awful.

And then I still have my other problems that are probably just as big emotionally... I did sign up for therapy sessions at my university's health center. I don't know if I can talk about the doctrine part because there's a good chance the therapist has no idea. I can talk about depression and anxiety from other sources though.

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Re: I'm depressed....

#7

Post by 1over137 » Sat Jul 21, 2012 7:44 am

But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good.
-- 1 Thessalonians 5:21

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
-- Philippians 1:6

#foreverinmyheart

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Re: I'm depressed....

#8

Post by Icthus » Sat Jul 21, 2012 8:44 am

On the subject of Hell, a few Lewis quotes might be useful. I was reading Lewis a few days ago, and they strike me as relevant. The first is from The Great Divorce, and can be found here:

http://www.merelewis.com/CSLgd0Xwhatsomepeoplesay.html, though I'll quote it here in case the link stops working:

'.... What some people say on earth is that the final loss of one soul gives the lie to all the joy of those who are saved.'
'Ye see it does not.'
'I feel in a way that it ought to.'
'That sounds very merciful: but see what lurks behind it.'
'What?'
'The demand of the loveless and the self-imprisoned that they should be allowed to blackmail the universe: that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy: that theirs' should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven.'
'I don't know what I want, Sir.'
'Son, son, it must be one way or the other. Either the day must come when joy prevails and all the makers of misery are no longer able to infect it: or else for ever and ever the makers of misery can destroy in others the happiness they reject for themselves. I know it has a grand sound to say ye'll accept no salvation which leaves even one creature in the dark outside. But watch that sophistry or ye'll make a Dog in a Manger the tyrant of the universe.'
'But dare one say—it is horrible to say—that Pity must ever die?'
'Ye must distinguish. The action of Pity will live for ever: but the passion of Pity will not. The passion of pity, the pity we merely suffer, the ache that draws men to concede what should not be conceded and to flatter when they should speak truth, the pity that has cheated many a woman out of her virginity and many a statesman out of his honesty—that will die. It was used as a weapon by bad men against good ones: their weapon will be broken.'
'And what is the other kind—the action?'
'It's a weapon on the other side. It leaps quicker than light from the highest place to the lowest to bring healing and joy, whatever the cost to itself. It changes darkness into light and evil into good. But it will not, at the cunning tears of Hell, impose on good the tyranny of evil. Every disease that submits to a cure shall be cured: but we will not call blue yellow to please those who insist on still having jaundice, nor make a midden of the world's garden for the sake of some who cannot abide the smell of roses.'

The second can be reached here, and comes from Mere Christianity: http://www.merelewis.com/CSLpp08x.html

Again, I'll reproduce it in case the link doesn't work:

'IN AN earlier chapter it was admitted that the pain which alone could rouse the bad man to a knowledge that all was not well, might also lead to a final and unrepented rebellion. And it has been admitted throughout that man has free will and that all gifts to him are therefore two-edged. From these premises it follows directly that the Divine labour to redeem the world cannot be certain of succeeding as regards every individual soul. Some will not be redeemed. [The doctrine of Hell] .... has the full support of Scripture and, specially, of Our Lord's own words; it has always been held by Christendom; and it has the support of reason. If a game is played, it must be possible to lose it. If the happiness of a creature lies in self-surrender, no one can make that surrender but himself (though many can help him to make it) and he may refuse. I would pay any price to be able to say truthfully "All will be saved." But my reason retorts, "Without their will, or with it?" If I say "Without their will" I at once perceive a contradiction; how can the supreme voluntary act of self-surrender be involuntary If I say "With their will," my reason replies "How if they will not give in?"
... As things are, however, this doctrine is one of the chief grounds on which Christianity is attacked as barbarous and the goodness of God impugned. We are told that it is a detestable doctrine—and indeed, I too detest it from the bottom of my heart—and are reminded of the tragedies in human life which have come from believing it. Of the other tragedies which come from not believing it we are told less. For these reasons, and these alone, it becomes necessary to discuss the matter.
The problem is not simply that of a God who consigns some of His creatures to final ruin. .... Christianity, true, as always, to the complexity of the real, presents us with something knottier and more ambiguous—a God so full of mercy that He becomes man and dies by torture to avert that final ruin from His creatures, and who yet, where that heroic remedy fails, seems unwilling, or even unable, to arrest the ruin by an act of mere power. I said glibly a moment ago that I would pay "any price" to remove this doctrine. I lied. I could not pay one-thousandth part of the price that God has already paid to remove the fact. And here is the real problem: so much mercy, yet still there is Hell.
.... but hell was not made for men. It is in no sense parallel to heaven....
Finally, it is objected that the ultimate loss of a single soul means the defeat of omnipotence. And so it does. In creating beings with free will, omnipotence from the outset submits to the possibility of such defeat. What you call defeat, I call miracle: for to make things which are not Itself, and thus to become, in a sense, capable of being resisted by its own handiwork, is the most astonishing and unimaginable of all the feats we attribute to the Deity. I willingly believe that the damned are, in one sense, successful, rebels to the end; that the doors of hell are locked on the inside. I do not mean that the ghosts may not wish to come out of hell, in the vague fashion wherein an envious man "wishes" to be happy: but they certainly do not will even the first preliminary stages of that self-abandonment through which alone the soul can reach any good. They enjoy forever the horrible freedom they have demanded, and are therefore self-enslaved ....
In the long run the answer to all those who object to the doctrine of hell is itself a Question: "What are you asking God to do?" To wipe out their past sins and, at all costs, to give them a fresh start, smoothing every difficulty and offering every miraculous help? But He has done so, on Calvary. To forgive them! They will not be forgiven. To leave them alone? Alas, I am afraid that is what He does.
... He has his wish—to live wholly in the self and to make the best of what he finds there. And what he finds there is Hell.
... In all discussions of hell we should keep steadily before our eyes the possible damnation, not of our enemies nor our friends (since both these disturb the reason) but of ourselves. This chapter is not about your wife or son, nor about Nero or Judas Iscariot; it is about you and me.'

Does that help at all?
“The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried.” -G.K. Chesterton

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Re: I'm depressed....

#9

Post by 1over137 » Sat Jul 21, 2012 8:49 am

to the sadness: 1 Peter 1:6-7
"6In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ."
But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good.
-- 1 Thessalonians 5:21

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
-- Philippians 1:6

#foreverinmyheart

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Re: I'm depressed....

#10

Post by jlay » Sat Jul 21, 2012 9:32 am

I've asked God for comfort and help but I feel as if I'm talking to a brick wall. I think my doubt is building and faith wavering, particularly over the doctrine of Hell, it's always bothered me that it's eternal... I have a hard time seeing how God could do this. I feel horrible around other people whom may not be Christian because of the doctrine. It hurts me so much. I know there are other forms of the doctrine that are less... harsh (like universalism). But I have no idea if they are true and others here tend to bash on it. I suppose the truth hurts. And God does it hurt. (But it doesn't make sense.) How can anyone live a life being vibrant and happy when so many people are condemned forever? I HAVE been avoiding "Christian-bashing" sites for the most part. I used to be happier, honestly, when I was not thinking about apologetics, theology, or philosophy. I wasn't brooding on eternal doom for the vast majority of the world's population, I wasn't depressed about it. And other things. It's been awful.
This kind of depression, which we all have, is the result of focusing on one's self. (Hebrews 12:1,2)
The vibrant Christian life is lived by focusing on Christ. I doubt you or I feel as lonely as the apostle Paul, who knew how to live and give thanks in all circumstances. (1 Thess. 5:18)

I would recommend getting away from apologetics. Just study the word as the Word. Approach God's word with prayerful expectation and humility. A great place to start is with Ephesians. Read it thoroughly, prayerfully, and mind Paul's prayers in Chapter 1 and 3 since they are for the believer.

We are better off not sharing our faith when we are in such a state. We are better off focusing on restoring our fellowship. Phil. 2:5 When we submit ourselves unto Christ, then the HS can work on bringing all these other things into alignment. Otherwise theology, apologetics becomes a replacement and an idol.
You can be happy, in the proper sense, when you truly live, believing that Christ has overcome. You will even see that your friend's unbelief is an opportunity for God to work in and through you. God uses shy people to
-“The Bible treated allegorically becomes putty in the hands of the exegete.” John Walvoord

"I'm not saying scientists don't overstate their results. They do. And it's understandable, too...If you spend years working toward a certain goal and make no progress, of course you are going to spin your results in a positive light." Ivellious

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Re: I'm depressed....

#11

Post by cheezerrox » Sun Jul 22, 2012 12:17 am

I don't have much to add, but I just want to comment to say that I think jlay really hit the nail on the head (not to diminish everyone else's posts, as I think they've made wonderful, important points as well). I also want to let you know that, also as jlay said, we've ALL been here with you, myself included. I say this not to diminish what you're going through, but to let you know that it's normal, and also that you have friends, brothers, and sisters here and throughout the Body of Christ who have been through and understand what you're feeling.

Follow jlay's advice, and "pray without ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17). I'll be making mention of you in my prayers to our Father.
"The prophet is a man who feels fiercely. G-d has thrust a burden upon his soul, and he is bowed and stunned at man's fierce greed. Frightful is the agony of man; no human voice can convey its full terror. Prophecy is the voice that G-d has lent to the silent agony, a voice to the plundered poor, to the profaned riches of the world. It is a form of living, a crossing point of G-d and man."
- Abraham Joshua Heschel

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