BDSM in the marriage bed

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Re: BDSM in the marriage bed

#46

Post by Storyteller » Fri Jan 19, 2018 4:18 pm

y>:D<
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Re: BDSM in the marriage bed

#47

Post by thatkidakayoungguy » Fri Jan 19, 2018 5:20 pm

Storyteller wrote:y>:D<
People almost never give me hugs. One of my closest friends, who is a girl, never likes to give people hugs outside of her family (now). It gets frustrating, doesn't it? Always denied stuff like that.

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Re: BDSM in the marriage bed

#48

Post by Blessed » Sat Jan 20, 2018 3:50 am

Storyteller wrote: I have had experience of BDSM, very, very much so. At the time, it was right for me. Or I thought so.
How old were you. From what age to when or thereabouts ?

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Re: BDSM in the marriage bed

#49

Post by Storyteller » Sat Jan 20, 2018 6:40 am

thatkidakayoungguy wrote:
Storyteller wrote:y>:D<
People almost never give me hugs. One of my closest friends, who is a girl, never likes to give people hugs outside of her family (now). It gets frustrating, doesn't it? Always denied stuff like that.
I think hugs sometimes say more than words ever can.
My family was never particularly tactile so I made sure that when I had my daughter I gave her, and still do, plenty ofhugs. She is almost 13 now but still snuggles up to me on the sofa.

Do you ask people for hugs?

I know this isn't quite the same but just for you..
y>:D< y>:D< y>:D< y>:D<
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Re: BDSM in the marriage bed

#50

Post by Storyteller » Sat Jan 20, 2018 6:51 am

Blessed wrote:
Storyteller wrote: I have had experience of BDSM, very, very much so. At the time, it was right for me. Or I thought so.
How old were you. From what age to when or thereabouts ?
I guess from my early twenties until quite recently.
While I was depressed I had an affair (which i am not proud of) that's when i was pretty involved with BDSM. While, at the time I thought it was exciting, dangerous, I think I knew deep down it was wrong. I think i needed to control my pain, my anger and BDSM gave me that outlet. There is an enormous amount of trust involved allowing someone to restrain you and inflicting varying degrees of pain.

I think I felt i deserved to be hurt. I was in a dark place, nothing mattered, I didnt feel I think revelling in BDSM gave me at least a pretence of feeling something.
Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof - Kahlil Gibran

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Re: BDSM in the marriage bed

#51

Post by B. W. » Sat Jan 20, 2018 9:40 am

Here is what BDSM neans:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM

B=Bondage
D=Discipline
S= Sadism and
D=Masochism

Then there is BDDS as well to

B=Bondage
D=Discipline
D=Dominance
S= submission

So that is what it means... for those like me who had to look it up...
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Re: BDSM in the marriage bed

#52

Post by B. W. » Sat Jan 20, 2018 10:14 am

Thank you Story for sharing.

You have brought out some very good points on this subject, blessing to you!

For others, this is a serious subject and it is not a case for each their own. Working with sex offenders who practiced BDSM upon unwilling children, puberty teens, and young teens has left an utter hate for the perps who force this upon unsuspecting children. The emotional pain of the victims, well, you have to see it and deal with it to really understand its toll.

We can discuss biology, how pain releases the chemicals to soothe and maintain pain (endorphins), and how this compounded with fear or utter dominance releases adrenaline in the body. Add to this mix how sex increases oxytocin, the “love hormone” along with natural pain-killing hormones, the endorphins.

So people who do this have a release of natural pain killers in double doses, adrenaline, and oxytocin. This is addictive behavior. Sex Offending perps do what ever it takes to increase the rush and do more harm to children that I care to write about here - to the point of murder, dismemberment, etc.. These perps are processed, yet, those on treatment teams, including psychiatrist see the possession but due to state laws can't deal with it.

BDSM is evil period. It is addictive. The Dominance party will grow more vile because they can't get the same high unless they step up the dominance. Ted Bundy was notorious for this sort of thing. His fantasy life took over him. His is a case study for where this sort of behavior can lead the dominance inflictors.

The willing recipients, are not at fault but are victims of the fantasies of the dominant. The perps will usually leave these after while to seek more vile thrills on new victims. The emotional damage to the willing victims is still damage. I am thankful that Story escaped this trap and found Jesus.

BDSM is an acronym that stands for other things as well such as this link points out:

https://www.acronymfinder.com/BDSM.html

BDSM Black Dragon Scale Mail (NetHack)
BDSM Big Dumb Stupid Man
BDSM Bandpass Delta-Sigma Modulator (electrical engineering)
BDSM Business Development Sales and Marketing

So I had to figure out what the meaning was for the acronym by what people wrote. Please, if you use acronym at least write it's full name.

- Big Dumb Stupid Man in the marriage bed - makes for wild imaginations

As does...

- Bandpass Delta-Sigma Modulator in the marriage bed

- Black Dragon Scale Mail in the marriage bed
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thatkidakayoungguy (Sat Jan 20, 2018 11:32 am) • Storyteller (Sat Jan 20, 2018 11:40 am)
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Re: BDSM in the marriage bed

#53

Post by Storyteller » Sat Jan 20, 2018 11:40 am

I actually feel kinda uncomfortable talking about this but I think it's important.
I was very lucky that the guy i met wasn't heavily into it all, we experimented together, explored ideas and there was always consent.
B.W. is right about the release of endorphins. For me, that was crucial as I was in the depths of my depression. I grabbed any glint of hope, of feeling anything other than numb.
I agree that it is a dangerous path, it sets you down the route of seeking new thrills, new highs, to push boundaries. What starts as a way of adding excitement can quickly consume you.

I think in a happy, healthy relationship there is no need for this whole power and control thing. Sure, if you wanna indulge in a little restraint, a bit of fun, bilndfolds, that kind of thing, why not? BUT stop before you do and ask why?

The closer I come to God the more I see just how often, and how easily we can be tempted.

Yes, sex should be fun but it is also a physical expression of love, of two souls being united.
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thatkidakayoungguy (Sat Jan 20, 2018 11:41 am)
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Re: BDSM in the marriage bed

#54

Post by thatkidakayoungguy » Sat Jan 20, 2018 11:41 am

This BDSM crap is bad. I don't think most who practice it realize how bad it is, as they use the term "Safe, sane, and consensual".
Repent if you haven't already, for any who are into it.

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Re: BDSM in the marriage bed

#55

Post by Storyteller » Sat Jan 20, 2018 11:56 am

There are clues as to how bad it can be. The very fact that you practice something that requires a "safe word" for a start.
I never needed that. It is used because the word no may be used when it isn't really meant. I never understood that. Even in the throes of passion no means no and to be quite blunt if you can't tell the difference between someone going "No, stop (this is just too delightful)" and "No. Stop." then perhaps you shouldnt be doing it.
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Re: BDSM in the marriage bed

#56

Post by Blessed » Sat Jan 20, 2018 1:04 pm

Storyteller wrote:
Blessed wrote:
Storyteller wrote: I have had experience of BDSM, very, very much so. At the time, it was right for me. Or I thought so.
How old were you. From what age to when or thereabouts ?
I guess from my early twenties until quite recently.
While I was depressed I had an affair (which i am not proud of) that's when i was pretty involved with BDSM. While, at the time I thought it was exciting, dangerous, I think I knew deep down it was wrong. I think i needed to control my pain, my anger and BDSM gave me that outlet. There is an enormous amount of trust involved allowing someone to restrain you and inflicting varying degrees of pain.

I think I felt i deserved to be hurt. I was in a dark place, nothing mattered, I didnt feel I think revelling in BDSM gave me at least a pretence of feeling something.
What is quite recently and what were you doing before age twenty something?

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Re: BDSM in the marriage bed

#57

Post by Storyteller » Sat Jan 20, 2018 1:44 pm

Blessed wrote:
Storyteller wrote:
Blessed wrote:
Storyteller wrote: I have had experience of BDSM, very, very much so. At the time, it was right for me. Or I thought so.
How old were you. From what age to when or thereabouts ?
I guess from my early twenties until quite recently.
While I was depressed I had an affair (which i am not proud of) that's when i was pretty involved with BDSM. While, at the time I thought it was exciting, dangerous, I think I knew deep down it was wrong. I think i needed to control my pain, my anger and BDSM gave me that outlet. There is an enormous amount of trust involved allowing someone to restrain you and inflicting varying degrees of pain.

I think I felt i deserved to be hurt. I was in a dark place, nothing mattered, I didnt feel I think revelling in BDSM gave me at least a pretence of feeling something.
What is quite recently and what were you doing before age twenty something?
Quite recently being about 2011 (actively)

I was raped at 17. Had my first relationship at 19, lasted a few months. At 21 met an older man in his forties, was with him four years.

During the years i was depressed (it went undiagnosed for seven years between 2005 and 2012) I used to spend a lot of time in chatrooms (which is where I met the guy I had an affair with) I would flirt shamelessly with everyone and started chatting to people that were into BDSM. It intruigued me, the whole submission thing.
I was lonely, vulnerable, crying out for attention, affection, anything to be noticed.
I have chatted to a lot of men (and women) and gone to some pretty dark places. I would "roleplay," talk about what i would do with people if i met them and more.


Those years are the closest thing to hell i have experienced. Because i wantedthose experiences.

A lot of what i am realising is happening right now, maybe tis because of my dad. I kinda felt, do feel that my dad dying is going to be a catalyst.
Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof - Kahlil Gibran

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Re: BDSM in the marriage bed

#58

Post by thatkidakayoungguy » Sat Jan 20, 2018 1:52 pm

Wow. I had these BDSM feelings (spanking, dominatrix) starting about 9 or so! Didn't get much into it till about 13 or so, and even then it wasn't much until high school hit and I got the internet.

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Re: BDSM in the marriage bed

#59

Post by Storyteller » Sat Jan 20, 2018 2:16 pm

thatkidakayoungguy wrote:Wow. I had these BDSM feelings (spanking, dominatrix) starting about 9 or so! Didn't get much into it till about 13 or so, and even then it wasn't much until high school hit and I got the internet.
I was a late starter :mrgreen:

On a serious note, do you have any idea why you feel you want this?
Are you just curious? Do you feel you need to be punished, or corrected in some way? Why do you feel the need to be dominated? Is it just kinda like a sideline or do you need it, depend on it?

For me, I find it harder to deal with tenderness than "abuse." Whip me and I'll love you, kiss me and I'll crumble.
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Re: BDSM in the marriage bed

#60

Post by thatkidakayoungguy » Sat Jan 20, 2018 2:24 pm

Storyteller wrote:
thatkidakayoungguy wrote:Wow. I had these BDSM feelings (spanking, dominatrix) starting about 9 or so! Didn't get much into it till about 13 or so, and even then it wasn't much until high school hit and I got the internet.
I was a late starter :mrgreen:

On a serious note, do you have any idea why you feel you want this?
Are you just curious? Do you feel you need to be punished, or corrected in some way? Why do you feel the need to be dominated? Is it just kinda like a sideline or do you need it, depend on it?

For me, I find it harder to deal with tenderness than "abuse." Whip me and I'll love you, kiss me and I'll crumble.
Not entirely sure, but as I said somewhere in this thread, it kinda comes from a rough past. But not entirely.

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