Born again Believer with non-believer not married have a kid

[Galatas6siete]

I have been with the father of my child for nine years. Our child is 8 years old. We've lived together during this time. As The Lord was revealing himself to me I became zealous and pushy with my partner I will call Moses. He professes to believe in God the father the son and the Holy spirit. In a zealous rage I left him because I felt he was not living up to my standards as I perceived a Biblical man to be. After this I surrendered my life to Christ and I was single for about 8 months. I confessed to him my error in tbeing pushy with him. A month ago in my ignorance we moved intogether again and began wedding plans. I spoke to a pastor about my situation and he rebuked me for "shaking up with some guy"
1.In our hearts we confessed and promised each other to be together forever.
2.We did not go before a pastor or judge
3. We believe we are a family.
The pastor said we are not a family just because we have a child and I should not marry him because he is not "SAVED" and we should not be unequally yoked. He told me fornicators go to hell and If I don't obey God I am not saved.
It is important to note that this Pastor is a 5 point Calvinist and just realized this. I am new to Theology and I stay away. The Calvinist say Arminians are heretics and Arminians say Calvinist are heretics but I stand firm on Christ. I pray that He would lead me and trust Him with what I should do in this situation. I Love Moses and our child and I love Christ above all things.

[Galatas6siete]

I wouldn't say he is a non believer. We have bible studies together as a family, we pray together, encourage one another but he had not surrendered. together we teach our child scripture and give her the gospel. He is a former catholic

[1over137]

I will pray for you. For God leading you and if making wrong step for forgiving you. I will also pray for Moses.

I will leave it to others who are more theologically knowable to answer to you.

[1over137]

Well, I will post it.

You know. I married a nonbeliever. After being together for many years, then me becoming a believer. Tough times.
Am not going to tell you what you should do. Just post below parts of my dialogs with one VERY educated theologist and very nice and honorable person at the same time.

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Person 2:
It was indeed a very complicated situation, and as usual, we must be faithful without being caustic. I believe that was the case for all involved. And I agree with his prayer for your union with H.

Person 1:
Hana, Thanks very much for this. Beautiful couple.
Of course I opposed the wedding in the absence of H’ coming to Christ. But I do pray that God will bless your union, and that he will, in his own time, bring you together in faith as he has brought you together in love.

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Person 1:
Marriage is a covenant, I would say, and involves taking vows in public.

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Person 1:
As I told you, I disagreed with your decision to marry H, because of the biblical against marrying outside the Christian faith. The web article agrees with me. You do need to repent of this, and that involves admitting to yourself, to God, and I think to H also that your decision to marry was a wrong decision.

However, I do believe that you are trusting Jesus as your Lord and Savior. That means trusting that Jesus died for all your sins, past, present, and future. The sin of your decision to marry grieves the Lord, but it does not break your relationship with Christ. That’s also true on the human level: When one of my children sins, he grieves me, but he is still my son, and I will always love him.

Your sin, at one level, is no different from any other sin. It grieves your heavenly Father, but he has forgiven you for the sake of Jesus.

On one point, I disagree with the internet article, where it says,

By disregarding God’s warning about relationships, they throw away their right to divine protection…

I don’t know anything in Scripture that says your right to divine protection is conditioned on repentance from this particular sin. Your right to divine protection is based on your relation to Christ, and that doesn’t change. On the other hand, of course, God sometimes disciplines his children for sins (Heb. 12). But he chooses when and how to do that.

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Me: Also the article says or even quotes "A spiritually mixed marriage is a hideous perversion."
Does it mean that as long as am married am perverse?
Person 1: No. It is not saying that YOU are perverse. It is saying that your marriage is perverse. My own view: your marriage was perverse when it happened. It was a sin, and all sins are perverse. But now you are legally married, and married in the sight of God. Right now, your marriage is something to be cherished, strengthened and defended. It would be wrong for you to divorce (except in some situations….)

[Jac3510]

To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Your pastor gave you advice that directly contradicts Scripture. It is ideal, of course, to marry a fellow believer. Thus, "do not be unequally yoked." But having already started a family, you have an obligation to try to make it work. "What God has put together, let no man put asunder." So I commend you in your decision to try to work things out! You are in my prayers.

Your pastor is also wrong about you going to Hell. Bluntly, he is preaching a false gospel, which Paul says is no gospel at all. Jesus says, "Whoever believes in Me has everlasting life" (John 6:47). Go also and read Gen. 15:6; John 3:16; 5:24; 20:31; Acts 16:31; Rom. 4:4-8; Galatians (yeah, just read the whole book a few times through), and about 90 other verses I could cite. Anyway, when your pastor says that something OTHER than faith is necessary, then he is calling Jesus a liar. Jesus said that if any given person believes in Him then they are saved. Your pastor says, "Nope, Jesus. That's wrong. There are some who believe in You who aren't saved. Let me correct that for you Jesus: what You should say is that everyone who believes in You AND ALSO doesn't do this particular list of sins (gives list), well THEY are saved. So get it right, Jesus. You wouldn't want to go and confuse people with a false gospel, now would you?!?"

Frankly, I'd put my faith in what Jesus said and not some twerp who thinks he's important because he stands behind a pulpit.

*Forgive me for being blunt, but saying you aren't a family "just because [you] have a child" is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard.

[Silvertusk]

To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Your pastor gave you advice that directly contradicts Scripture. It is ideal, of course, to marry a fellow believer. Thus, "do not be unequally yoked." But having already started a family, you have an obligation to try to make it work. "What God has put together, let no man put asunder." So I commend you in your decision to try to work things out! You are in my prayers.

Your pastor is also wrong about you going to Hell. Bluntly, he is preaching a false gospel, which Paul says is no gospel at all. Jesus says, "Whoever believes in Me has everlasting life" (John 6:47). Go also and read Gen. 15:6; John 3:16; 5:24; 20:31; Acts 16:31; Rom. 4:4-8; Galatians (yeah, just read the whole book a few times through), and about 90 other verses I could cite. Anyway, when your pastor says that something OTHER than faith is necessary, then he is calling Jesus a liar. Jesus said that if any given person believes in Him then they are saved. Your pastor says, "Nope, Jesus. That's wrong. There are some who believe in You who aren't saved. Let me correct that for you Jesus: what You should say is that everyone who believes in You AND ALSO doesn't do this particular list of sins (gives list), well THEY are saved. So get it right, Jesus. You wouldn't want to go and confuse people with a false gospel, now would you?!?"

Frankly, I'd put my faith in what Jesus said and not some twerp who thinks he's important because he stands behind a pulpit.

*Forgive me for being blunt, but saying you aren't a family "just because [you] have a child" is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard.

For once I whole heartedly agree with you Jac. You don't know how much that scares me.

[1over137]

So guys, it would be good to be officialy married. Right?

[RickD]

Hi Galatas6siete,

First off, welcome to the forum.

Something you wrote that your pastor said, bothers me:

The pastor said we are not a family just because we have a child and I should not marry him because he is not "SAVED" and we should not be unequally yoked. He told me fornicators go to hell and If I don't obey God I am not saved.

You are a woman, living with a man, and your child. That is a family. You were committed to Moses for 9 years. If you two are committed to each other before God, that's what marriage is. If you want to have a public or private wedding ceremony, that's your decision. And if this pastor really said you're not saved because you are living with the father of your child as a committed family should, that pastor is sadly mistaken.

So I commend you for making the right decision of staying together. And I think you need to pray about finding another church.
You are saved by God's grace, through faith in Christ. Period.

God bless you and your family.

[1over137]

So I commend you for making the right decision of staying together. And I think you need to pray about finding another church.

It is said, but yes. That would be what I would do. Find another church.

[Galatas6siete]

When I spoke to my Pastor I left so frightened. He didn't tell me specifically that I was going to Hell and not saved but he implied it. but he kept repeating 1 Corint. 6:9 "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,"
1) He said we were obviously not committed to each other before God because we separated for a few months almost a year, and We are living in gross sin. We are not a family according to God's word because a biblical family begins with a biblical marriage (Gen 2:18) and we did not hold fast to each other.
- During this time he lived somewhere else but he would come see his daughter everyday except days he got off work super late.
- He was almost always over here with us.
-He would express to me that He wanted his family back.
-I wouldn't say anything just pray.
-He did not see or fornicate with another woman during this time.

2) Another reason why I went to speak with my Pastor was because He is a Calvinist and I do not understand Calvinism. I don't understand Arminianism either. I have spoke to and Arminian pastor to explain his beliefs, and I spoke to my pastor to explain his beliefs. I told him I don't understand either and I do not want to look further into these doctrines. I simply want to read my bible and pray that the Lord reveals His word according to His will. When I first began to attend this church, It was different than anyone other church I had been to. They did not preach the prosperity gospel, they evangelize, and I thought preached ALL BIBLE. Until I started hearing this doctrine of election and other key words that Calvinist use which i then googled and discovered that In the statement of faith are the five points of Calvinism. In my ignorance I was not aware of this and was baptized as a believer and became a member. I am in no way bashing Calvinist. What I am simply saying is that I don't understand and because I was recently born again I do not want to follow a system. So about this, my pastor He does not consider himself a Calvinist because he does not like titles, and no one will ever hear him use the acronym TULIP. Then I pointed out that the doctine and all 5 points are embedded in the statement of faith. It is not obvious the eyes of baby Christians unfamiliar with theology.
3) When our conversation was over he said he heard, either John Piper or John MacArthur once say that "people who don't understand election are people who are living in sin" My pastor looked at me and said now he understands why he made that statement.
4) From the beginning I felt this was a better church but something was burning in me telling me to stay away. Now I do not know it this feeling is from the Lord or not. I keep seeing things that I perceive to be unloving. (I did bring this to the attention of the Pastor). I see puffed up, zealous people including some of the elders. Ex. on the pulpit making fun of unbiblical names (note we had lots of visitors that day), not allowing people to partake in the Lords Supper if they have not been baptized as a believer, they may be a believer, but if they have not been baptized, they should not partake.
I do not know if this is true. I do not know whether I should stay there or not. What If I am wrong? All I know is I pray day and night for the Lord to help me do his Will against the desires of flesh. To help me love Him more and more with all my heart all my soul and all my strength. I pray that he not let me be deceived by my own reasoning or ideas.

I do not want to make it seem like I am gossiping. I am sincerely crying out to the Lord. I want to please Him. I never go on blogs this is my first time. But I am seeking counsel. Please remember me in your prayers and LET ME KNOW HOW I CAN PRAY FOR YOU.

[Galatas6siete]

I am trying to figure out how to reply to your posts.

[Silvertusk]

Galatas - all I can say is get out of that Church, it is not biblical, it has no love and the pastor is a wolf. This is not a place of God.