Zlogdan, I'm not sure what you mean that your belief is made weaker by what you fear the most?Zlogdan wrote:
I believe that what causes my disbelief (despite my observations, readings, opinions, and a certain level of faith) is that I suffer from OCD.
It is the only explanation I can come up with after all these years. It just makes my belief weaker in favor of what I fear the most.
But I immensely dislike Richard Dawkins's approach to his "church of disbelief".
But I recognize that you wouldn't be here if you weren't seeking answers. As I said, I have a touch of OCD myself. And how that can manifest itself in a spiritual quest seeking validity for faith in God /Christ can be that you may feel you have to have all of this information - ALL of the critical knowledge, arguments pro and con - like you have to have all of this stuff correctly understood and figured out before you can have faith. But that is NOT true! If only intellectuals and highly educated, exceptionally knowledgeable people could understand what they need to come to faith in Christ - well, then very few people actually would be saved. But the reality is, He's already given us far more than we truly need to believe. God has created an astonishing universe of great sophistication - even within moments of the Big Bang beginning. Whereas, just moments before it began, when NOTHING physical existed, and within mere minutes (not billions of years, etc.) a universe roared into existence with massively complex building blocks or extraordinary designs and functionalities - not in the chaos of an explosion, but in perfect synchronicity and interactive coordination as it began brilliantly building the beginnings of our universe. And the universe we have today would not / COULD not exist with those first created things. This took astonishing power, intelligence and came from beyond space and time. The DNA of every creature in existence is a complex code that determines species, abilities, physical design, capabilities - it is a programming language of breathtaking complexity and sophistication. And so, as you said, knowing such things, you see the folly of the unbelief of Dawkins, atheists, etc. And certainly, if you know Scripture, I doubt you need ANY more evidences - as you should ALREADY know more than enough to believe. Scripture is full of many fulfilled prophesies about Jesus and many other things that reveal its Godly inspiration - as otherwise, such prophesies would have been impossible. There is NO other supposed holy book or religion that has any credibility as to it's contents, as the Bible does!
But some of us outsmart ourselves. We have a tendency to make simple things into something far-more complicated and difficult to figure out. But God made believing in Him VERY simple. And that belief can and often does begin during significant doubt - and our doubts are different, from person to person. You must realize, "IF" the God of the Bible exists, then you should also realize that He knows you better than you know yourself. And He prolifically has told us that He WANTS us to know Him! He knows what you REASONABLY need to believe and have faith. And He'll provide it - but maybe not beyond what you TRULY need to come to faith (and that can be different from person to person). So, if I were you, knowing that there is a very good likelihood that an all-powerful Creator God exists, ASK Him to give you whatever it is that you might personally need (even if you don't know what it might be) to step forward to invite Him into your life. He's already given you plenty of intellectual knowledge of His existence (see the previous paragraph) - so, what you need now is the courage to move forward. ASK Him for it. If there is something else you need to know, ASK Him for it! What you will not receive is absolute certainty or answers that transcend every doubt you might have. Even / ALL Christians have doubts! Jesus said of John the Baptist, "among those born of women, there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist." And yet, John still had moments of doubts interwoven with His otherwise great certainty about Jesus. After pointing so many toward Jesus as the Savior, in a time of doubting, he sent messengers to Jesus to ask, “Are you the one who is to come, or shall we look for another?” Zlogdan, if you are human, you WILL have doubts, even once saved. But it is struggling through our doubts while depending upon God that we develop ever-stronger faith.
So, as God wants YOU to take the next step - as His hand is already outreached and waiting - YOU still must grasp it! He's done His part, but you must step out in faith. Pray to Him intentionally, tell Him you want what He offers you. Tell Him that you want, not just to believe in Him, but that you want to commit yourself to Him, in heart and mind, with an intention to follow Him as your Lord, to the best of your ability. Directly ask for His help in this. You must not be perfect - or even close - to be acceptable to Jesus. He wants only your heart and mind committed to Him - and He'll do the rest. And this doesn't mean you'll be perfect or won't still sin or mess up from time to time -as ALL Christians still sin but are forever forgiven for all past, present and future sins. But the difference is, your heart will have changed from desiring to deliberately sin to wanting to follow and obey His ways and instructions. Faith is NOT mere intellectual belief in God - faith is believing in a Resurrected Jesus AND intentionally committing oneself to God / Jesus in a desire to make Him your Lord. If you will only do these simple things, you WILL be saved!
Zlog - I'll pray for you - let me know how you're doing or if I can answer any questions you might have!
Philip