Goldstein Nail Company

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Fliegender
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Re: Goldstein Nail Company

#61

Post by Fliegender » Wed Jun 24, 2020 4:18 pm

:cloud9:


God is discussing with His angels before the creation of the world,

“I AM GOING TO CREATE THE STATE OF ISRAEL ON THE EARTH!”

“what will this ‘Israel’ be like, Elohim?” ask the assembly of angels.

“I AM GOING TO CREATE A NATION OF MY CHOSEN PEOPLE! THEY WILL BE INDUSTRIOUS, SUCCESSFUL, HAVE MORE NOBEL PRIZES PER CAPITA AND ALTHOUGH MY PEOPLE WILL BE FEW IN NUMBER, THEIR CONTRIBUTIONS TO MANKIND SHALL BE MANY...”

The angels applaud and are impressed. God continues,

“I AM GOING TO MAKE ISRAEL A VERDANT GARDEN, A LAND OF MILK AND HONEY, A BOUNTIFUL LAND, A BEAUTIFUL LAND WITH MOUNTAINS, DESERTS, VALLEYS, A BEAUTIFUL COAST WITH BEACHES OF THE FINEST SAND...”

“excuse me Elohim,” interrupts a little angel at the back, “...but if You give Israel all these wonderful things, won’t other nations be very jealous?”

“JEALOUS? NO. WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE THE NEIGHBORS I GIVE TO ISRAEL...”
"I never said that all conservatives are stupid people but it is true that most stupid people are conservative."
-John Stewart Mill

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Fliegender
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Re: Goldstein Nail Company

#62

Post by Fliegender » Thu Jun 25, 2020 5:22 pm

:incense:

Rick D. Goldstein and Shlomo Lieberman are moseying down the sidewalk on a warm summer day. They come upon a church with a sign outside that says,

We Offer $1000 To Every Jew Who Converts To Christianity

Rick says to Shlomo, “Looks like we can make some quick money, Shlomo!” y=P~

“No!” retorts Shlomo, “I would never compromise my faith for mere money.”

“As you wish, “ says Rick, “wait for me here while I go and cash in!” ...and Rick disappears into the church.

Fifteen minutes go by and Rick emerges from the church,

“So,” says Shlomo, “...did you get the money?” :shakehead:

Rick answers, “Money? is that all you Jews think about?!”
"I never said that all conservatives are stupid people but it is true that most stupid people are conservative."
-John Stewart Mill

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Fliegender
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Re: Goldstein Nail Company

#63

Post by Fliegender » Tue Jun 30, 2020 10:43 am

The Chairman of the Board of an important company calls Rick D. Goldstein into his office.

“Now Rick, I’ve called you into my office to go over your career with us. You started working in Maintenance, then became an Operator, from there you became a Supervisor, then Manager, then General Manager, then Chief Financial Officer and now you’re General Vice-President. All this in only 14 months!...”

Rick nods with pride.

“Now Rick,” continues the Chairman, “you’re here in my office because the Board of Directors is unanimous: you are the new Chief Executive Officer of this enterprise! Your rise through the ranks of this company is nothing short of remarkable. What do you have to say for yourself, Rick?”

“Aw...thanks, Dad!”
"I never said that all conservatives are stupid people but it is true that most stupid people are conservative."
-John Stewart Mill

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Fliegender
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Re: Goldstein Nail Company

#64

Post by Fliegender » Thu Jul 02, 2020 2:49 am

Solomon Levinson goes to a Catholic Church and enters the confessional.

“My father, forgive me for I have sinned!” says Solomon, “I’m 72 years old, have always been faithful to my wife for the last 50 years but yesterday I slept with a gorgeous 22 year old bombshell...”

The priest nods and says, “I forgive you my son. And when was your last confession?”

“I never confessed before, I’m Jewish” says Solomon.

“Then why are you telling this to me?” asks the priest.

“I’m telling it to everyone!” y=P~
"I never said that all conservatives are stupid people but it is true that most stupid people are conservative."
-John Stewart Mill

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Fliegender
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Re: Goldstein Nail Company

#65

Post by Fliegender » Fri Jul 03, 2020 5:24 pm

A priest and a rabbi are having breakfast together at a restaurant. The priest is having bacon, eggs, sausage and hash browns. The rabbi is having toast and a fruit plate. The priest asks the rabbi, “Have you ever tried bacon? It’s delicious!”

“You know I can’t have bacon” answers the rabbi.

“Yeah,” says the priest, “but just between us, have you ever tried bacon?”

“Well, yes, padre, I tried bacon when I was a young man many years ago. It’s tasty.” The rabbi continues, “Tell me my friend, have you ever been with a woman?”

“You know I can’t do that” answers the priest...”but since you told me your secret, I’ll admit that as a young man, I was with a woman before my ordination...”

“AHA!” exclaims the rabbi, “and I bet it was a lot better than your plate of bacon!”
"I never said that all conservatives are stupid people but it is true that most stupid people are conservative."
-John Stewart Mill

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Fliegender
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Re: Goldstein Nail Company

#66

Post by Fliegender » Wed Oct 21, 2020 1:12 am

Rabbi Rick Goldstein meets his friend, the Reverend Chris Saint James. The rabbi tells his friend, "I followed your advice and read your 'New Testament’.”

“Really?!” exclaims the Reverend, “and what did you think? "

“Well,” says Rabbi Rick, “it’s like in the movies. The story is interesting but the ending falls flat on its face.”
"I never said that all conservatives are stupid people but it is true that most stupid people are conservative."
-John Stewart Mill

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