Your thoughts on dating a non-believer

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HabzSauce
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Your thoughts on dating a non-believer

Post by HabzSauce »

Let's start a thread discussing this. What do you guys think about this?

Is it wrong? My perspective, I really don't know. One thing I do like about dating a believer, is that you share your complete world view with them, which is awesome. Although, what I don't like is mentally shutting down every single girl i come in contact with because she isn't christian.

What you guys think?
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Re: Your thoughts on dating a non-believer

Post by RickD »

HabzSauce wrote:Let's start a thread discussing this. What do you guys think about this?

Is it wrong? My perspective, I really don't know. One thing I do like about dating a believer, is that you share your complete world view with them, which is awesome. Although, what I don't like is mentally shutting down every single girl i come in contact with because she isn't christian.

What you guys think?
I guess it would depend on why you'd be dating. If you're looking to be romantically involved, then I'd say that it's not a good idea. If you're dating just platonically, then it's probably fine. Nothing wrong with being friends with unbelievers.
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Furstentum Liechtenstein
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Re: Your thoughts on dating a non-believer

Post by Furstentum Liechtenstein »

RickD wrote: If you're dating just platonically, then it's probably fine.
Platonic dating? Isn't that an oxymoron (with emphasis on moron)? y:-?

The Bible is quite clear: don't hook up with an unbeliever. Dump her, HabzSauce.

FL :D
Hold everything lightly. If you don't, it will hurt when God pries your fingers loose as He takes it from you. -Corrie Ten Boom

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Re: Your thoughts on dating a non-believer

Post by 1over137 »

But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good.
-- 1 Thessalonians 5:21

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
-- Philippians 1:6

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Re: Your thoughts on dating a non-believer

Post by Silvertusk »

Furstentum Liechtenstein wrote:
RickD wrote: If you're dating just platonically, then it's probably fine.
Platonic dating? Isn't that an oxymoron (with emphasis on moron)? y:-?

The Bible is quite clear: don't hook up with an unbeliever. Dump her, HabzSauce.

FL :D
Not so.

I was not a Christian when my Christian wife started dating me. Now I am and it was partly down to her.

Silvertusk.
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Furstentum Liechtenstein
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Re: Your thoughts on dating a non-believer

Post by Furstentum Liechtenstein »

Silvertusk wrote:
Furstentum Liechtenstein wrote:
RickD wrote: If you're dating just platonically, then it's probably fine.
Platonic dating? Isn't that an oxymoron (with emphasis on moron)? y:-?

The Bible is quite clear: don't hook up with an unbeliever. Dump her, HabzSauce.

FL :D
Not so.

I was not a Christian when my Christian wife started dating me. Now I am and it was partly down to her.

Silvertusk.
I don't care about your personal situation. The Bible is clear: don't hook up with an unbeliever; if you are already married with an unbeliever, stay in the relationship if the unbeliever wishes to continue. Look at the biblical referneces 1/137 brought up...they are quite clear.

FL :D
Hold everything lightly. If you don't, it will hurt when God pries your fingers loose as He takes it from you. -Corrie Ten Boom

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Re: Your thoughts on dating a non-believer

Post by Silvertusk »

Furstentum Liechtenstein wrote:
Silvertusk wrote:
Furstentum Liechtenstein wrote:
RickD wrote: If you're dating just platonically, then it's probably fine.
Platonic dating? Isn't that an oxymoron (with emphasis on moron)? y:-?

The Bible is quite clear: don't hook up with an unbeliever. Dump her, HabzSauce.

FL :D
Not so.

I was not a Christian when my Christian wife started dating me. Now I am and it was partly down to her.

Silvertusk.
I don't care about your personal situation. The Bible is clear: don't hook up with an unbeliever; if you are already married with an unbeliever, stay in the relationship if the unbeliever wishes to continue. Look at the biblical referneces 1/137 brought up...they are quite clear.

FL :D
This seems pretty clear to me.

To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
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Re: Your thoughts on dating a non-believer

Post by jlay »

I saw this end with tragic results in my cousins life. He married a girl that he had tons in common with. Both were the outdoor, adventurous type. She also came from a family of professing atheists who hated religion. But love would conquer all, right? Wrong. Ended in a horrible and ugly divorce.

The best advice is to never entertain getting intimately involved with a person who doesn't know Christ. (And please understand, this has nothing to do with arrogance or thinking that we are 'better' than them.) When someone dates they are looking for a mate. If you aren't ready for that, then quite frankly you shouldn't be dating. The question then becomes, why would you want to get involved (pursue matrimony) with someone who is incapable of knowing their true identity? An unsaved person is lost, no matter how nice, cute, or well adjusted they may seem. We are created for identity in Christ. If someone is a non-believer then they fundamentally lack something that Christians believe is the MOST important thing to a person's existence.

If you say it's only 'casual' dating, then you have simply moved to another problem. Not her, but you. in this case you would be modeling your life after secular practice, which makes intimacy and sexuality casual and reckless.

Now, it's true that some people do date and even marry non-believers and it doesn't end badly. That is no excuse to pursue this however.
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Re: Your thoughts on dating a non-believer

Post by Philip »

I am "Exhibit A" for not doing this! As a young fellow, I would meet these great-looking, non-Christian girls, start dating, and would delude myself that I would influence them towards Christ. But what would always happen is that I would compromise myself, particularly, sexually. They didn't share the core values of what I was all about, so it never worked. My brother married such a woman - who claimed to be a Christian. Once he had a child with this woman, she didn't value raising and encouraging this child to become a Christian. She eventually revealed that she actually resented most things about being a Christian, and just about EVERYTHING to do with the Church (ANY church). This marriage ended in a terrible divorce. My brother has custody. She cheated on him, was constantly vulgar in front of their child.

My question would be, IF you desire to end up with a Godly mate with your values, that you are on the same page spiritually, why, WHY would you want to enter a process that very well might spiritually drag you down while also potentially leading towards and eventual union with an unbeliever? How will any children be raised? Plus having parents with differing values and influences is very confusing to a child. Life it tough enough without having to deal with being connected to someone who doesn't share your faith and values; it's a minefield for potential, even likely, disaster! Divorce is bad enough. Just imagine dealing with someone over a child you are responsible for - for 18 YEARS! That can be a total hell!

Yes, there is a large sea out there of attractive non-Christian women out there. But there are many nice ponds around where you can meet incredible Christian women. But you won't catch a nice pond fish by fishing in the sea or in your bathtub. If you want a certain kind of fish, go where they frequent. And if you begin dating a Christian and it progresses to marriage, guess what? It will end in a union of two Christians united in Christ. No, there are no guarantees about ANY marriage lasting. But you can certainly lower your odds by uniting with a non-Christian. Plus, as others have noted, the Bible warns against such. This is why the Israelites were warned against intermarrying with pagans - had absolutely nothing at all to do with race.
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Re: Your thoughts on dating a non-believer

Post by 1over137 »

Furstentum Liechtenstein wrote:
Silvertusk wrote:
Furstentum Liechtenstein wrote:
RickD wrote: If you're dating just platonically, then it's probably fine.
Platonic dating? Isn't that an oxymoron (with emphasis on moron)? y:-?

The Bible is quite clear: don't hook up with an unbeliever. Dump her, HabzSauce.

FL :D
Not so.

I was not a Christian when my Christian wife started dating me. Now I am and it was partly down to her.

Silvertusk.
I don't care about your personal situation. The Bible is clear: don't hook up with an unbeliever; if you are already married with an unbeliever, stay in the relationship if the unbeliever wishes to continue. Look at the biblical referneces 1/137 brought up...they are quite clear.

FL :D
I brought up the verses, yet I married a non-believer. I do not know what future will bring.
We got together before I became Christian and knew each other for around ten years.

Just stating facts. That's all.

But it is not advisible to start a relationship with unbeliever. Rasing kids and all, plus not having spiritual support from your partner. ... Most of all, it is something that grieves our Father.
But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good.
-- 1 Thessalonians 5:21

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
-- Philippians 1:6

#foreverinmyheart
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Re: Your thoughts on dating a non-believer

Post by Philip »

Just to add: My wife was a Christian when we met, had been one since her teenage years - was about 28 when I met her. I can tell you that dating someone that shared my spiritual values made a HUGE difference and was a great contrast to the problems I had encountered with EVERY unbeliever I ever dated. It made certain interactions FAR easier. And it helped us to mentally and spiritually connect very quickly. In every other relationship, things simple with my (eventual) wife had been much more difficult to sustain. What a relief and contrast - looking back 27 years ago. My son is only 16, but I am constantly encouraging him to constantly pray to one day have a Godly wife and to pray over every person he dates or even considers dating. And, again, to date ONLY believers!
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Re: Your thoughts on dating a non-believer

Post by Furstentum Liechtenstein »

1over137 wrote:I brought up the verses, yet I married a non-believer. I do not know what future will bring.We got together before I became Christian and knew each other for around ten years.
I'm in the same situation as you. Neither one of us went against the biblical injunction against marrying a non-Christian because we became believers afterwards. As for your legal marriage after you became a Christian, don't let that bother you. Nowhere in the Bible is an official wedding ceremony spelled out. There is biblical leeway to argue that we are wed in God's eyes the moment we become intimate (with a person of the opposite sex).

The point of this thread is, the Bible is clear: a Christian is not to marry a non Christian.

FL y:x
Hold everything lightly. If you don't, it will hurt when God pries your fingers loose as He takes it from you. -Corrie Ten Boom

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If they had a social gospel in the days of the prodigal son, somebody would have given him a bed and a sandwich and he never would have gone home.

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Re: Your thoughts on dating a non-believer

Post by melanie »

HabzSauce wrote:Let's start a thread discussing this. What do you guys think about this?

Is it wrong? My perspective, I really don't know. One thing I do like about dating a believer, is that you share your complete world view with them, which is awesome. Although, what I don't like is mentally shutting down every single girl i come in contact with because she isn't christian.

What you guys think?
I don't think you should mentally shut down every single girl you come across just because she isn't a Christian.
You are talking about dating here not marriage.
People have expressed their views on marriages that broke down because of hatred towards Religion, abusive towards children, infidelity ect. That is choosing to marry someone with some pretty serious character flaws as far as I see it. Serious character flaws that can also be found in those professing to be Christian.
Dating is a great way to get to know a person. If it progresses into something more serious, don't be too carried away with good looks and flirtations, even though they are good bonuses they can sometimes let us excuse or see past questionable character issues. Let them know you are Christian and the importance of it in your life and look for their response. If it is met with ridicule or not wanting to know about it then it's probably best you move on. The long term happiness of such a union would not work out.
If you meet a great girl who is sincere, kind and caring, why not give her a chance.
You are young, there are alot of girls out there that haven't been brought up within Christianity. They just may not have had the opportunity to properly hear what this Jesus thing is all about. I'm not saying get into relationships hoping to change a person, just that if you meet someone that is of a high calibre and a really good, decent person then their goodness hasn't been lost on God either and no doubt He is working His way into their heart. Nothing wrong with planting the seed and seeing where it goes. She may not end up being the one you marry but it may help her on her path to Christ. You never know.

When I met my husband we were young and he had no idea about God, he had been brought up in a household that wasn't particularly against christianity just completely indifferent. There was something really special and different about him that I recognised straight away. He was different to the other guys. There was a kindness, gentleness and sincerity that really shone so bright. I fell for him big time. He wasn't the most handsome or charismatic guy I knew but the most decent. I shared with him my belief in God over about 6 months and he became a Christian. Then I knew this was the guy I was going to marry!
In saying all this I would not recommend marrying a non christian. I couldn't imagine sharing my life and raising my children with a non believer. Our belief that we share with each other and our children is the most important aspect in our lives. We have had some really rough patches in the last few years, both of us having legitimate reasons to probably walk away but our binding love that is firmly planted in Christ has brought us through. A marriage that is committed to before the Almighty, as a union bound in Christ has a stronger foundation than those who marry as a legal contract. It is easy to walk away from a man made contract, not so easy from a contract and commitment before God.
When we got married the Priest raised both our arms in the air, tied a sash around our wrists and said 'what God has brought together let no man seperate'. We have carried that commitment throughout the last 15 years, even through the darkest times.
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Re: Your thoughts on dating a non-believer

Post by Philip »

Melanie, please don't misunderstand the below.
Mel: Dating is a great way to get to know a person. If it progresses into something more serious, don't be too carried away with good looks and flirtations, even though they are good bonuses they can sometimes let us excuse or see past questionable character issues.
You don't have to DATE someone to get to know them or to be a Christian influence on them.
Mel: Let them know you are Christian and the importance of it in your life and look for their response. If it is met with ridicule or not wanting to know about it then it's probably best you move on.
And the time to do THAT is BEFORE you ever even entertain the idea of dating.
Mel: If you meet a great girl who is sincere, kind and caring, why not give her a chance.
Because most cannot handle this 1950s-style, innocent dating you advocate, and it has, at least, the potential to end up in an unequally yoked union. Two young people are highly attracted to one another, they're full of raging hormones, and one of them (at LEAST) has no compunctions about "taking the car for a spin or two" (or three, four, etc, etc). I mean, we're all only human. Once sex begins, it can hide a whole multitude of issues and artificially keep you together. What if this "great girl" becomes pregnant - what THEN? Marry her? Raise a child together (or apart)? What if one wants to abort, the other knows that is a terrible thing? Having a child with a non-Christian - one spouse finds Jesus their reason for living and the other just thinks His image looks cool on a crucifix? And even if there is no pregnancy issue, what might well happen is one keeps compromising their Christian values while convincing themself that maybe the other person will come around (spiritually, to Christ), and that as they have many redeeming positives, perhaps it's not a problem to marry (a HUGE mistake!). Such unions have led to untold heartache and eventual divorce.
Mel: I'm not saying get into relationships hoping to change a person, just that if you meet someone that is of a high calibre and a really good, decent person then their goodness hasn't been lost on God either and no doubt He is working His way into their heart.
But the question is, will they EVER be receptive to Him? God is NOT impressed with our "goodness," but in how we respond to Him. He doesn't honor "goodness" as society often defines it. He honors their receptiveness and positive response to His prompting.
Nothing wrong with planting the seed and seeing where it goes. She may not end up being the one you marry but it may help her on her path to Christ. You never know.
Yes, by all means, be a Christian witness. All I know is, I was always after the cute chick. Yes, I also liked people with good morals and a nice personality. But, in my experience, not one of those girls ever changed spiritually, but they (and I allowed them to, I took part in it) damaged me, caused many compromises as to what I was supposed to be all about. Bottom line: Those girls were never on the same spiritual wavelength as me. And I thought I just couldn't find a Christian girl whom I considered fun, interesting, down to earth - meaning, I figured that you hunt what you find in the forest around you. I THOUGHT I had no other choices, no other hunting grounds. Plus I always chased beauty. I hated not having a woman around, I always felt somewhat lonely whenever I was without a girlfriend. So, when a great-looking woman wanted physical intimacy, I might have hesitated for a bit, but it was just too much to resist, too powerful a lure.
Mel: When I met my husband we were young and he had no idea about God, he had been brought up in a household that wasn't particularly against Christianity just completely indifferent. There was something really special and different about him that I recognised straight away. He was different to the other guys. There was a kindness, gentleness and sincerity that really shone so bright. I fell for him big time. He wasn't the most handsome or charismatic guy I knew but the most decent. I shared with him my belief in God over about 6 months and he became a Christian. Then I knew this was the guy I was going to marry!
Great story, so wonderful it worked out for you guys. But it is antidotal to YOUR situation - not advice to take - as the mere risk is FAR too dangerous. Praise God that things went in the direction that they did, for you both (and remain y>:D< ).
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