Rejection :(

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Nicki
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Re: Rejection :(

#61

Post by Nicki » Wed Nov 06, 2019 6:45 am

Kurieuo wrote:
Tue Nov 05, 2019 11:54 pm
Well, at least when he turned to go into the men's room, you didn't open the door and follow in right after him. :P
:D
He probably loves the fact you're pursuing him, gets a thrill from trying to make you feel more and more awkward. It does sound very socially awkward the situation, don't you think? Nothing wrong with that. Lots of things end up awkward in life, relationships, etc.

I reckon just start ignoring him, stone wall him, maybe even roll your eyes at him when he makes stupid comments. He'll likely end up missing your attention, which he's no doubt gossiped about to others. You've probably given him a big heads-well *ahem*. So since that's not working, best thing you can do, really, is act as if you no longer give a damn...

The above of course is ignoring the fact you do have a partner, and it seems strange as hell you do care in the first place so much about another guy. But then, everyone is different with their feelings and like. If I gave a woman the same attention it sounds like you've giving him, honestly, it'd be because I'm probably wanting something more to happen.


As I've mentioned before I have had strong feelings for him, but I'm not planning on having any affairs (despite the fact that I liked him a lot better than my husband for a while - mind you, my husband can be pretty unreasonable as well so I'm not sure who I like better now overall :mrgreen:)
Just start giving him the silent treatment. Reverse psychology type thing. Act as if you no longer care. He's made it into all a game by the sounds of it, at your expense, so there's nothing to be gained continuing to shower him with your attention. Don't you think?
I'm really not showering him with attention - he's not letting me, for one thing. I'd just like to be able to get along with him on a friendly basis, more or less the same as with everyone else in the class. I seriously don't think he's enjoying my trying to talk to him - he's described it as bothering him (I don't think he meant he felt bothered, though) and he's quite happy when I leave him alone. He actually seems scared sometimes, like when I was talking to him yesterday, but I'm guessing that's more being annoyed (since he described my behaviour as annoying a while back) and just wanting to avoid me rather than yelling at me or something. So in summary - he's happy talking to other people and so on when I don't talk to him, and he definitely doesn't want to talk about the problem. I've basically given him the silent treatment most of the time in the last few weeks, which I'm sure he's been quite content with. I'm fairly happy with my attempt at communication yesterday though. The problem is still not solved, of course, but I felt as if I'd done something.

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Re: Rejection :(

#62

Post by Nessa » Wed Nov 06, 2019 12:36 pm

The reality is you may feel you like him better but that's not based on truth.

You don't know this guy. Not really. So it's based on a bit of fantasy. That makes it easier to see him in a better light.

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Kurieuo
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Re: Rejection :(

#63

Post by Kurieuo » Wed Nov 06, 2019 3:00 pm

Are you saying someone can't like someone else more than their spouse, or that just isn't the way it should be?

With the fantasy stuff, do you mean a bit like *ahem* Fifty Shades of Grey *ahem*? :P
"Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved." (Romans 10:13)

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Re: Rejection :(

#64

Post by Nicki » Thu Nov 07, 2019 9:11 pm

Nessa wrote:
Wed Nov 06, 2019 12:36 pm
The reality is you may feel you like him better but that's not based on truth.

You don't know this guy. Not really. So it's based on a bit of fantasy. That makes it easier to see him in a better light.
Yes, that's what I was thinking. Of course I haven't been liking him much lately, but he used to seem pretty kind and intelligent. Of course there's the strange physical aspect to it (maybe I could call it chemistry) which has been there pretty much since I first saw him, but I probably wound myself up with that thinking, 'ah, another older student; he's kind of cute; maybe he's single' etc. It's difficult to think of him as not really being very nice when he's quite friendly and reasonable to everyone else. I know I said something about him putting on a charming exterior but I'd rather it wasn't that way really; I'd kind of rather think that in my case he's overwhelmed by negative feelings. I don't know - I'm just trying to cope with it mentally.

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Re: Rejection :(

#65

Post by Nicki » Thu Nov 07, 2019 9:28 pm

Kurieuo wrote:
Wed Nov 06, 2019 3:00 pm
Are you saying someone can't like someone else more than their spouse, or that just isn't the way it should be?
You think so? I don't know - I would have thought your spouse should be your number 1 person, of the opposite sex at least. Of course you can't really help it if you meet someone you happen to like more (you can help what you do with that, though), but I was pretty happy for a while just spending a couple of days a week on the course with this guy, until it blew up.
With the fantasy stuff, do you mean a bit like *ahem* Fifty Shades of Grey *ahem*? :P
No! :P It was Nessa who said 'fantasy' but he said the other week I'd been harbouring a fantasy, which was probably true - a fantasy of being close friends even though I had stronger feelings than that. I'm so used to the unrequited love thing the idea of being friends and always keeping in touch seemed pretty good to me, but my feelings came out in a few touches and things - which I could have exercised more self-control with, but I thought he was OK with it.
Last edited by Nicki on Thu Nov 07, 2019 10:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Rejection :(

#66

Post by Nicki » Thu Nov 07, 2019 9:59 pm

Philip wrote:
Wed Nov 06, 2019 6:37 am
Nicki, being honest does NOT mean we broadcast all of our thoughts to immature people who don't have such values. Don't set yourself up. It's almost as if you don't work things out to where things are relaxed and normal with the guy, that you'll otherwise be miserable and upset. And THAT is YOU giving another human power over you. So, A) Why would you want to do that - particularly knowing the negative results and impact upon yourself
It's currently that things are negative for me, when I'm not getting along with him and he's angry or whatever with me. I'm keeping my expectations low for next week and so on - I'd be thrilled if he did actually want to make up as friends (and I'm praying for that) but I'm prepared for nothing to be different or for him to say something pretty unpleasant to me; I still feel better because I tried, at least, was confident and expressed a couple of things to him.
and B) Why would you care so much about some guy who isn't your husband? It's like you want what you don't have, and even if you know it's totally forbidden to you. I can only shudder to think if the fellow's reaction instead had been all googly eyed and flirty! And knowing how wrong pursuit of even "harmless" flirting is, you should be glad that his reaction hasn't sucked you into something disastrous. Really, it's likely a blessing his response has been as it is - perhaps a warning God has allowed you - for both now and future situations.
As I've said, I really don't like not getting along with anyone. I've been pretty upset at times about not getting along with women as well. How is being friends forbidden? I haven't done anything approaching flirting ever since he started being stand-offish quite a few weeks ago. It's a shame to me that most of the class is quite close, friendly, supportive and helpful to each other and enjoys having fun together, but the two of us are in a bad place.

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Re: Rejection :(

#67

Post by Nessa » Sat Nov 09, 2019 1:43 am

Kurieuo wrote:
Wed Nov 06, 2019 3:00 pm
Are you saying someone can't like someone else more than their spouse, or that just isn't the way it should be?

With the fantasy stuff, do you mean a bit like *ahem* Fifty Shades of Grey *ahem*? :P
What I mean is that it's not a fair comparison.

Of course, when you are well aware of all your spouse's flaws, another person (whose flaws maybe more hidden) can seem more appealing.
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